The Jungle Traffic

Chetak and me

Chetak is very dear to me. For my sake he fought with the world – got few scars on his face and back. They will be there for life till a surgery is done. For now we are living with the scars – my parents, relatives and friends whoever meets Chetak mocks at them but I just laugh and let them be. 

Chetak is very patient – he doesn’t mind them a bit, them meaning the scars and the comments. Every day we go to office together and till date there has never been a day when Chetak has not accompanied me back home from office . He has accompanied me to the malls too without any complains and despite the fact that I have treated him badly sometimes, he is still the same. Chetak- my first car, white i-10, we have so many journeys traveled together. The most eventful being the jungle ride which we go through every day.

When I start 

Gaddi Jaandi Aa Chhalaanga Maardi.................

Fox

As soon as we step out of the house we see some black and yellow Lomdi (foxes)running around at full speed. They have no sense of direction and will put in their pointed face anywhere they find some place. They compete with 2 legged rats that

2 Legged Rat

run around at atomic speed. When Chetak and me try taking a left  suddenly a rat jumps on us from nowhere and before we gain balance from the rat attack , a fox barges in “beep….beeep.beeeeepppp” . Generally I tell Chetak to slow down and even stop sometimes because I don’t want to run in the rat-race, the fox will then show me his eyes as if trying to scare me and say “what the hell are you doing in my way”.

Snail

Some snails drag themselves on the side pathway – walking at their ownpace,stopping now and then to talk to their friends. Sometimes they have a tough time trying to go to the other side of the road.

Elephant

Sometimes I also see elephants in the jungle. They go at their own speed and they never give way to me. It doesn’t matter how much I honk they will ignore it and continue going their way. At some places I see herds of elephant also where 3-4 of them are competing with each other . Everyone prefers to stay at the back when they are competing because you never know which angry elephant might come and hit you.

Veggie Dinosaur

In this amazing jungle there are dinosaurs too. 

The vegetarian dinosaur - are very friendly. They carry oil and diesel with them and peacefully following all rules of traffic in the jungle. 

Non Veggie Dinosaur

Then you have the non-veg dinosaur of different sizes. They generally carry stones, furniture items, sand, wood with them. They come howling behind you and even if you have not done anything wrong they will not forgive you – they will eat you up.

Sometimes we meet big fat lazy cats – they are private cats , they go at their

Big Fat Cat - The SUVs

own speed on their private limited roads as if they own the roads and belong to the royal ancestors of the jungle. The rats and foxes don’t spare the royal crowd also. They try to find place in between the “Shaahi Sawari” but the size of the Sawari generally deters them from poking around. So they come back to Chetak and me and others like us where they can show their supremacy by honking and poking their nose.

Chetak ‘s height is not so good. And me being tall he looks even shorter so my friends and family told me that I should have chosen someone tall and sturdy – so that it looks good when he walks with me. But there are many advantages of having Chetak – Being short and small he cuts across many places very easily , doesn’t have to go back and forth when making a U turn. While I was taking a U turn with Chetak, it doesn’t matter how many indicators (warnings) I give to other animals to stay away, a fox from the left will overtake me and a rat will appear on the right side. On Honking they

"What are you doing ? No traffic sense"

show me eyes again. While I try to shoo them away vigorously moving my hand from inside and shouting at them which only I can hear because the windows are shut – it makes no difference to them and they continue to bully me. Sometimes couple of their friends take advantage of the situation and they also barge in from left and right overtaking me – sometimes Chetak gets angry and we also blindly accelerate to overtake the foxes and rats , other times we just sit back quietly and let them go. Once the jungle is clear we continue again at our peaceful pace. Had Chetak been taller and bigger – the foxes and rats would have stayed away.

Just when we try to speed up and get into the momentum – there comes a red light halt. Just like small children stand obediently in a prayer hall in their own queue – Chetak and me also find a comfortable place to stand in our lane. The elephants , dinosaurs, cheetahs also stand in the line just

Waiting at the traffic signal!!

like us. Then comes a non veg dinosaur from the back – at full speed with no intention to stop. He will keep only an inch gap between chetak and himself , and will push my side view mirror inside. He keeps roaring all the time while he is standing and impatiently waits to run again. The ubiquitous foxes and rats will fit themselves in everywhere they can, making sure no space is left. When I first halted I was the one in the front but after few seconds a non-veg dinosaur , 2 foxes and 5 rats are standing in front of me. As the light grows green, animals behind us start roaring and shouting like crazy. I think this is a Jungle Custom – even though they can see that the animals in the front are moving forward they keep roaring and shouting till they themselves start moving.

Cheetah.....Roooooaaaaarrrr !!

 Just when I think I am ready to pace up – a cheetah steers from behind and zoop it goes past me – giving me jitters . The cheetah wants to maintain his status of being the fastest so many times they don’t even halt at the red light.

Saving ourselves from the jungle atrocities chetak and me finally reach the mall. The parking lot is comfortable, While I shop Chetak sits in the parking lot chatting with his other friends and some fat , lazy cats – while I enjoy myself in the mall.

At then End

Jungle Traffic Ne Chhalni Karta Mera Seena
Marjaaneya, Ajj Mera Jee Karda
Main Rajj Ke RAULA Pauna, Ajj Mera Jee Karda

My Mother's New Rule Book for New Generation.....

Last week I missed writing because I had gone to visit my parents and was so busy meeting them and other relatives. And the usual question came up umpteen times

"Puttar , bya kado karna”. I gave varieties of answers starting from

Just smiling
Put it on the invisible supreme power – “Jado Rabb di Mehr Auntyji”
Put it back on them – “Tusi Munda labho, main tyaar aan”
Put it back on me – “Man bya karauna hi nai, Main single hi rena whole life vich”

Pammi Bhua

After everyone would leave , Late till night mom , pammi bhua and me would sit gossiping about Jeeti chachi,  Canada wale maamiji, Amreeka wale Taayaji, neighbor wali Parminder Chachi, Diljit Dosanjh,  Salmaan Khan, Katrina – Oh Yes Bollywood gossip is as important as relatives gossip – None is spared from our X-ray Machine.  I so much love this time – especially these late night useless discussions with pillows on the lap and every hour Khokha (our house help) would come and ask “Bibiji, cha hor leke aun” , time and again Dad and Fufadji pitching in to tell the ladies that they were overdoing with the way they described the fiaso of Ricky’s (Amreeka wale tayaji’s son) wedding, a short break with Pammi Bhua, who is an amazing singer, singing to Prakash Kaur’s

“Bajre da sitta, ni main talli te marodeya…..” and Fufadji making fun of her …….Kinna Maja aunda.

It was during these discussions one night when Pammi bhua said to Mom “Bhabiji, I am telling you , we have made a big mistake by teaching our children the right thing to do. That is why they suffer so much. I have decided some golden rule for my Pota-Poti and will make sure they become Awara no. 1, only then they can survive in this ruthless world warna koi nai puchhda”

Mom: “Pammi , what you said is crore di gall. Look at us, what did we gain by making our children cultured and well educated. If they were Awara by now they would have been married, may be twice – and I would be sitting here with my grandchildren. Waheguru knows when I will see their face. (Hitting me) Maran to pellan mainu dikhadi….”

My Mom's answer for everything I say

Me: Mom . what can I do ? Initially you had put 101 restrictions on me. Ethe nai jaana, othe nahi dekhna, ye nai karna wo nai karna. Now you say – find a partner yourself. Sorry but all good guys are taken and booked for life – and this happened when you were forcing me to study Probability chapter in Maths which I hated so much.

Mom: Pammi , I am telling you – I am going to write a rule book for the next generation so that they don’t do the same mistake that we have done.

Rule 1: Give them bad environment to grow up, bare minimum things to play and study. (Hitting me) For her we put “Jhoolah” and ede papa de truck vich mitti leke aaye , in corner of the garden she played with friends in Mitti making small houses of wet mud because I  thought children will play and this will help in physical and mental growth. I failed Pammi I totally failed. Aaha dekhla (hitting me again) what became of her.  Koi lod nai ehe sab karn di.

Rule 2: Never give them nutritious food . Only give them junk food. (Pointing at me again) Aha dekhla Kothe jinni lambi karti kudi  – ki faida hoya. Last month enna vadiya rishta aaya si – amreeka wale Tayaaji had sent, but the guy was short te Bewakoof Kudi (pointing at me yet again) ne mana karta. So don’t give good food – let them be short and thin. When they get something better they will feel good about it.

Rule 3: No need of good or branded schools. Only sarkaari schools vich bache padao. First you give them branded education then they don’t like anything non branded. So give them simple education – no need of Hi-Fi degrees. Look at Happy – He is doing so well in Canada driving Taxi. Does he have degree? No. Does he have beautiful wife? Yes. Does he have kids? Yes. And look at her (pointing at me again) – Happy is 2 years younger to her and ehe hale baithi aa.

Rule 4: No need to participate in extra-curricular activities at all. They are dimag – kharab activities. Debate and elocution vich bolke these kids think they are so good. Swa good.

Rule 5: If they get good marks – give them one tight slap. Tell them they should get only 3/10 – and not more. Don’t encourage them for higher studies . Lock them in bathroom next time if they still get good marks or think of becoming Doctor, Engineer.

Rule 6: If you call them and they reply “HANJI” another slap on their face. What is Hanji? Say AAHO. Because those who speak like this are very much in demand pammi – I am telling you. And aha Bewakoof (hitting me) says “Mom, He has no manners” Manners gayee tel lehn.

Rule 7: Don’t preach them anything “Khandaani”. Tell them to have as many girl friends they want and as many boy friends they want. Ki Khatt leya main khandaani akal deke? Pammi – did Jeeti tell you ….Her daughter got engaged?

Pammi bhua's Common Reaction

Pammi: Achhaaaaaa. Nai Bhabiji. When did that happen? Jeeti never tells me anything.

Mom: Happen taan 5 years pelan ho gaya si. For four years she had a boy friend. Now she got engaged to another NRI who is a GC holder and left the previous borfriend because he didn’t get GC. And ek Meri Bewakoof (pointing yet again at me) – 10 waari Amreeka jaake vi ek BF nai banaya.

Rule 8: Study less and do more of Facebook. No need to see these rotten channels like cnbc, discovery or reading knowledgeable books etc. Only spend time on Facebook, Instagran and waheguru knows hor kede kede websites ne – post as many photos and send faltu friend requests to everyone.

Rule 9: Work Less – Flirt More, Promotion di nahi koi lod. What is the point in working so hard , have dark circles under eyes and get a promotion after sleepless nights. The area where promotion is required (Shaadi) othe admission hi nahi mili.

Rule 10: 

Me: Mom ,Pammi bhua – I am sure there are many parents like you and many youngsters like me who are going through this but it is waheguru ji’s hukam under which we all reside and find our happiness. So Rule no. 10 is be happy with what you receive as Gurbani says:

“ਹੁਕਮੈ ਅੰਦਰਿ ਸਭੁ ਕੋ ਬਾਹਰਿ ਹੁਕਮ ਨ ਕੋਇ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਹੁਕਮੈ ਜੇ ਬੁਝੈ ਤ ਹਉਮੈ ਕਹੈ ਨ ਕੋਇ ॥”

Hukamai andar sabhu ko baahar hukam na koi. Nanak hukamai je bujhai ta houmai kehai na koi

 which means Everyone is subject to Hukam; no one is beyond (exempt or outside of) Hukam. O Nanak! One who understands Hukam, does not speak in ego (i.e., that person does not live in Haumai or ego).

Pammi Bhua come let's do some Gidhha , you remember that boli 

" Nacha Nacha Nacha , Ni main agg wangu Macha,

Meri Nachdi di Jhanjhar Chhanke ni

Main taan Nachna Patola Banke ni"

Parenthood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch !!

Once upon a time there was a guy named Happy ………….

Baapu Baapu Kenda Si, Baut Sukhi Renda Si

Happy de Mummy Papa kende:

MBA: Happy Puttar !! Come study , All the time playing football , gilli danda and running with friends. Ki karda firda tu……you have to become big man , study and get into big job with big degree. Do MBA and get good job. Eat Makhan and become healthy and intelligent and study puttar. Come do maths homework

MARRIAGE: Aa si Mera Happy Puttar !! Kinna sona munda, Kinna pyaara bacha …….Le putt have makhan , have parantha ….eat well …..Mera Happy Puttar will grow up and become very tall and very handsome and we will find her very beautiful girl ……haina puttar…..aa le eat more makhan.

Happy De Mummy Papa kende:

MBA: Happpyyyyyyy !!! Maths vich 6/10 ???????? why?? Your brain went for Gedi when you were writing paper. Now study hard….you have to get 10/10. You have to be topper in board , then engineering then MBA…....your pyo (father) will not write your paper…..start studying. Take this…..eat Badaam.

MARRIAGE: Happpyyyyyyy !!! Kinna sukka patla ho gaya mera munda. Who will marry you puttar? Kise ne apni kudi nai deni. Take this badaam……eat properly………now eat roti….now take juice……Haaan Shabaash eat puttar – then my puttar will look so handsome and will get married to beautiful kudi.

Happy de Mummy Papa Kende:

MBA: Haaaapppyyyyy !!! Very good Puttar , now you have done Engineering – now in two years you do MBA , see Pammi Bhua’s son also did MBA, now he is in USA and in another two years he will get Green card also…..now stop taking selfie and focus on MBA

MARRIAGE: Haaaapppyyyyy !!! Mera Putt , Mera Laal……you know Channi chachi’s son got married, Pal Tayaji’s son got engaged, Raani Aunty’s son had a daughter last month…….Now puttar you should also think about marriage …ok. Don’t do toon-taan. Chup chap get married . If we start searching now, we will find in 2 years.

Happy de seniors kende:

MBA: Yaar Happy ….there is nothing in MBA, don’t waste your time……in that money you can start something of your own …MBA will make you more calculative, stressful life and boring job. Atleast now you code and you know there is an output – after MBA you will never understand what you are doing and what is the output. Frustu ban jaana tu – don’t do MBA

MARRIAGE: Yaar Happy ….Musibat le li main Bya karake – don’t  get married – single life is best …..no restriction , no tension, no question and no answer. Meri gall sun…..Never get married.

Happy Kenda:

Wah Wah……Khud karli MBA , now earning good money and telling me don’t do. It is very easy to give gyaan, yourself sitting in USA, updating facebook photo of snow, river and mountain and now telling me happy dont do MBA.....Happy is not mad.....ok.....Happy is not so mad.....ok.

Wah Wah……Khud kar leya bya, now giving me gyaan. Whom am I earning money for? Nowhere to spend, no one to see movie with. I go kalle kalle Thailand – no one to play in water…...all photo are selfie.....I am tired of selfie ok - I want nice photo with wife in snow and mountain.

And then Happy Puttar did what he had to do................................

"La La La

Ho Ho Ho

Balle Balle

Shava Shava Sonia 

Oye Hoye Oye Hoye

Burrrraaaahhhh"

After 2 years :

Baapu Kehlaya, Baut Dukh Paaya

Happy apne puttar Ricky nu Kenda:

MBA: Ricky Puttar !! Come study , All the time playing football , gilli danda and running with friends. Ki karda firda tu……you have to become big man , study and get into big job with big degree. Do MBA and get good job. Eat Makhan and become healthy and intelligent and study puttar. Come do maths homework

MARRIAGE: Aa si Mera Ricky Puttar !! Kinna sona munda, Kinna pyaara bacha …….Le putt have makhan , have parantha ….eat well …..Mera Happy Puttar will grow up and become very tall and very handsome and we will find her very beautiful girl ……haina puttar…..aa le eat more makhan.

Happy apne juniors nu kenda:

MBA: There is nothing in MBA, don’t waste your time……MBA will give stressful life and boring job. Atleast now you code and you know there is an output – after MBA you will never understand what you are doing and what is the output. Frustu ban jaana tu – don’t do MBA

MARRIAGE: Musibat le li main Bya karake – don’t  get married – single life is best …..no restriction , no tension, no question and no answer. Meri gall sun…..Never get married.

Whatever your 100% looks like give it when doing CROSSFIT !!!!

I welcome you to the community of people who have decided that easy will no longer suffice.

Today I whole squatedly….oops heartedly want to write about my close knit Crossfit community – my friends who work out with me at CrossfitforSure (http://crossfitforsure.com/)

I worked out at gym, did yoga, tried running but all of them failed to keep me engaged  after heavily

preparing for all these activities by buying new clothes, new shoes, sweat bands, knee caps etc. only 1 week of irregular classes was enough to drive me away from them.  How intelligent of me that I always took at least 6 months membership because I thought:

1. It will save me money  - that is what the gym receptionist explained to me and convinced me that EVERYONE in this whole wide world always took a 6 month membership at the least
2. I might just go out of guilt, that I have spent so much money so I better go and make some use of it.

 But nothing worked – and then Crossfit walked into my life (aaaa aaa aaa Kabhi khushi kabhi gammmmm)……..so what is Crossfit?

Hi !! My Name is Crossfit.....

Imagine a hunk whom you have a secret crush on and everyone who has ever talked to that hunk thinks he is an amazing guy and you keep asking your friends for more information about him ……but you don’t want to talk to him because you think he has too much attitude and you might as well start hating him after talking to this snob, but then one day your friend introduces you to this hunk and you kind of like him but at the same time you hate him because he makes you feel so inferior – because he is so good. So you meet him again because you want to prove to him that you are much better than what he thinks you are……..and then you meet him again and again and one day you fall in love and you get into a long term relationship with the hunk. His name is Crossfit.

Ok that was crap ….you can just Google about crossfit or you can visit: https://www.crossfit.com/ to know more about it.

We at CrossfitForSure are a close knit family of different types of Crossfitters.  

Crossfit Diva – She is an inspiration, not just to the women but the men too. She is very good at all kind of workouts – she finishes the workout first – sabse first – no. 1 always.  Many of us want to be able to work out like her and we are not at all jealous of her. God Promise – no jealousy.

KidSupermen – These young brats are so awesome. Suno Beta – we didn’t have Crossfit at your age. OK !! and pay attention to studies also !!

They fly at box jumps and swim during Lunges. And when we are sweating out – BUCK FURPEES – they will be sitting on the box cheering us “It’s not the age, it’s just in your mind, so don’t give up”.

Numerologist – They believe in the divine and mystical relationship between a number and one or more coinciding events. Multiple Reps coincide for them in one attempt - like one rope jump = 2/3 reps. Due to their numerology powers they control time - and are always ahead of it. They finish a 6 minute workout in 3.5 minutes. Amazing !!

Elegator – Madame doesn’t look her age at all. She gives all the girls jitters for she wears her age so elegantly and carries out all her roles effortlessly – be it a Mom, a crossfitter, a party host or just a friend.

Negotiators: We have no dearth of Cute Negotiators who will make sure they workout and they make everyone feel that they have done THE WOD only after they have it on the board on their terms and conditions. “Instead of 1 round of running I will do 2 rounds of walking, Instead of 15 reps of 24 inch box jump I will do 18 reps of 20 inch box, Since I am only 3 months old – I will do 10 reps instead of 20”

Men in Class: Yes we have very classy men, men of Indian origin brought up in UK who carried their class and accent back to India, the Lady Charmers – they make sure the ladies of the box get priority, when everyone is talking about the WOD on the watsapp group they will send “Happy Woman Day “message, and the Party Lovers - they host pool parties at their lavish house and make sure all arrangement is done in class.

Rival Party: Oh No no, we no make no enemy, enemy make us. Ok Whatever it means but we have these special kind of creatures whose neck is never straight. They are always looking towards the left or right. So if you want to take their side profile picture you will have to stand in front of them. You know what I mean …….. coz they are always looking on their left or right side, because they are checking out how many reps the other one has done.

Customary Xfitters:  They come; They work out; They Leave. Period.

All of them and the squats , the thrusters, the burpees, the box jumps, rope climbs and yadayadayada 

make Crossfit a part of my daily routine. And what makes CrossfitForSure part of my daily routine are the wonderful coaches Saara and Waseem. “Coaching is taking the player where he can’t take himself”. Thank you Saara and Waseem for not letting the WOD be just some numbers on the board but for standing right next to us and calling every attempt a NO REP.

There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes !!

I have not been going to the Gurdwara Sahib since past few Sundays - today Simmi called and asked me why I wasn’t coming ??  I told her how other things were keeping me busy and I will be there starting next Sunday hopefully – but a visit to the Gurdwara sahib doesn’t keep us from chit chatting about Office. Once she starts – she just goes on and on – and I listen to her all ears because not only do  I relate to what she says but she is simply hilarious.

So after she finished talking about the agony she goes through in office – we built a FRAMEWORK and we could put some of our colleagues in this framework. So here it goes:

The THUNDERSTORM: He cannot do anything silently. Sitting at his desk he shouts on the phone, he never walks to the colleagues desk – he hollers and expects to hear back at the same wavelength, even in the meetings he maintains his volume high, he thinks only people who know the right thing will have the confidence to talk loudly so he always talks loudly therefore he is always right.

Mr. Thunderstorm – we are going to package you to Microsoft so that they can make a human volume equalizer and give us the remote for it.

The RANDOMIZER: Before speaking anything, literally anything he puts the formula RANDBETWEEN(A to Z) and then speaks the output. I get amazed at how someone can be so random and yet so not conscious about it and even when you make him realize that he was random in giving that answer – he gives you back a random expression. For e.g.

Me: Hey Randomizer , for this situation we can either escalate this to client or put in a change request or just to build good will we can cover it up for the client and let them know. What do you suggest?

Randomizer: Yes

Me: The yes was for which one?

Randomizer: The options above

Me: We need to choose one

Randomizer: Ok

The AGENT GARBO: He is super secretive about everything but will try all means to extract information from you. His best bet is tea breaks. His strategy is also secretive – but Simmi and me could decode a part of it. He talks about world news, competitor companies and  will give you a hint that he knows what your manager is planning about you and then not say anything. Ahaannnnnn – that’s when he got you hooked – now he will extract information from you and in return will tell you only at the end of the conversation the exact details of your manager’s plan, after he has had his details, at the end he tells you that your manager has MASTER PLANS of shifting your desk due to realignment of office space.

Mr. Agent Garbo – did you feel that muscle tweak in your gut? Yes? Yes? Good – coz I am SECRETLY doing some black magic woodo and soon you will feel the tweak in your brain. HE HE HA HA

The CHAMELEONER:  He will claim that he has very high ethical standards, is a deep thinker, is your close friend, shares everything with you and will always have a reason for not keeping up to any of the above.

Me: Hey CHAMELEONER, I heard you are going to USA for 2 weeks – you never mentioned about it?

CHAMELEONER: Ohhhh, that is such a trivial trip……not even worth mentioning. You know I share everything with you – you would be the first one to know if it was something important.

After some teas and lunches……

CHAMELEONER: Hey, you know you are my close friend so I had to obviously share this news with you first, I got through that million dollar deal.

Me: Oh Nice! But we all know about it since a month – the whole team knows about it.

CHAMELEONER: Oh ok. But we had the first status call meeting today which signifies that work has started and only you know about it.

After some more teas and lunches…..

Me: Good Lord , you got promoted !!!! Wow that is so nice – you should have told us, it calls for celebration.
CHAMELEONER:  Oh no – that is just a change in the designation – it’s not a promotion. Otherwise I would have obviously told you – you are such a close friend of mine.

Mr. CHAMELEONER – My sympathies with you. You suffer from a dangerous virus WANTOBERIA – where you pretend to be what you WANT TO BE, but actually you are not. Many people have been affected by it and the only tablet that has worked is called COURAGE: to be yourself.

THE BALANCER: He is one of the best persons around. Sometimes he gives you vibes that he is manipulative but overall he is a charmer. He talks nicely, has good knowledge of what he is talking, gets the work done mostly, sometimes he ignores you but makes up for it at other times, talks diplomatically is not an emotional fool, ignores the crap and focuses on the right thing and he is very good at dealing with the above categories.

Mr. Balancer, Do you wear a black tape around your eyes by any chance?????? I mean that is the only thing I see that balances well. Ok ….Bad Joke. I am jealous of you.

The WORKBIN:  He is the poor guy who meekly accepts everything that others say or ask him to do and all the @#$% is dumped on him for not getting it right.

Manager: Hey WORKBIN, Make a presentation on world war 23, we have a meeting on Monday.

WORKBIN: But I don’t know anything about it. Can you give me some ideas?

Manager: Of course I have ideas, I am the subject matter expert here and I must tell you, you have to pick up the domain real fast or you are not adding any value. I might have to take some serious steps if you don’t buck up.

WORKBIN: Ok I will try my best. What should be the approach for the presentation, any ideas you have?

Manager: Oh Yes, the client should feel that we have experience in all the past 22 world wars. Make a case study of at-least 5 world wars and make sure you have numbers on the presentation.

WORKBIN works all night – makes the presentation, shows it to manager

Manager: Oh, this is bull-@#$% and nonsensical.

Mr. WORKBIN, don’t wait for a spider to bite you and turn you into superhero. You are amazing – just believe in yourself and speak out the two lettered word NO.

There are so many more kinds of people in office and so many instances which make us angry or happy and lead to new frameworks. But I will be blessed if I can follow the one framework that Gurbani has taught us

Time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted !

Na, I am not a facebook fan, I just log in once in a while to say hello to friends. 

3:30 p.m.

 Login Facebook. scroll scroll scroll , kanhaiya and Smriti ?? Naa….scroll scroll …..what !! Sneha got married???? When did that happen?? Let me check out her husband…..”My Sweet Hubby Amitesh Gandhi”. Click Amitesh Gandhi………He is okkkk. I haven’t seen him in college with us …….what does he do??

Checking photos…….Blue waters of Thailand, Phuket, next, next, next, Thailand Tiger, next , next, Paris Hmmm, Switzerland, next, next, Travelling from Zurich international airport to IGI, New Delhi “You made this one the best trip of my life , my baby, my love Sneha Mehra Gandhi”

Go to linkedin. Search  ….. Amitesh Gandhi. Investment Banker, Noida. Investment banker are boring and money is not everything and Noida is very hot place to stay. Scroll scroll …..IIT Delhi, IIM Ahmedabad………Phewwww.

On the right side – “Product Manager Openings” zippo.com, hippo.com, mymantra.com, mysantra.com……….Search product manager jobs, Woww…….bigbasket has product manager openings…. Bangalore….Let me apply. Click -> go to company website. OMG I had to order Atta and Surf, Ok let me browse and order my groceries. Go to bigbasket.com. Shahrukh Khan smiling at you ………..order surf excel, soap , shampoo…WHATT?? Patanjali maggi ?? Baba Ramdev is doing amazing yea…………..ok what else does Patanjali have??

Rose soap, Herbal shampoo, amla juice (ewww), aloe vera gel for pimples……..when will I get rid of pimples…… and this new one is coming right on the nose tip…….let me order rose water and sandalwood powder………..and some neem…….and some fullers earth………..and some cinnamon……………oh and honey……….ok let me check the most relevant face pack and order just that. No this time I will be regular, no promise, no no God promise I will be regular. 2 weeks I will apply this every night and done away with pimples.

Go to Youtube.com …..search “Best facepack for fairness, glowing skin, oily skin, acne…….acne …..acne ….that is the one . Ok, so I need Besan, Curd, turmeric, Honey, rose water…….what’s that?  “Long Shiny Hair in 5 days – Natural Ayurvedic Remedy” – click. “Olive oil, Castor oil, heat them with garlic (ewww)…….keep it overnight…..wash with mild shampoo”.

OMG it is 4:20 – I need to finish placing my order. Ok I youtube till 4:30 then back.

Hmmm…..what is this “5 Bollywood Actress Beauty Secrets │ Flawless Skin, Thick Long Hair, Diet Tips!”- click- ……..Kareena looks so slim...........Look at Rekha ….will she ever look old?? Wheuuueey……what is this…….. ”Bollywood Actors UGLY FIGHTS with Media | Deepika Padukone, Shahrukh Khan, Salman Khan & Others” – click - ………Hahaha what kind of question is the reporter asking ............” Aishwarya Gets ANGRY With Media For Hurting Daughter Aaradhya! | Bollywood News- click – Aishwarya is wearing nice dress - Ummmm click – clilck - boring.

Oh it is 4:50. Ok 5 o clock pakka I am done. For 10 mins I will listen to Punjabi songs and then I am done.

Search “Diljit Dosanjh 2016 new songs- click …………..Haaaayeeeee –Diljit is looking so good in Ambersariya …….” Teri saheli di aa mere utte gehri aakh ni, pagg wala munda kendi baala jachda” – Repeat – Click, OMG he dances so well ,

Repeat – Click, “Tor teri patte rangroot soniye, Paaya tu fluorescent suit soniye”

Repeat – Click, Have to watch this movie. OMG he looks so nice in yellow pagg.

5:15 hoge – achha full and final 5:30 I call it done. let’s listen to coke studio “Ki banu duniya da, sache paatshah waheguru jaane” - click - …………Seriously , I mean seriously – Gurdaas Mann is the best , so graceful , so meaningful , such nice lyrics………….Ok 5 Taara – For Diljit – one last song.

Arre I have to try this bhangra step( doing Bhangra along with Diljit) “5 taara theke utte baike utaarya , main tera saara gussa” Oops, this one step I can never get it. Diljit does it so well. Oops fell down again. Let me see how to get this step.

Search: “How to learn Bhangra” click……. ”Learn Bhangra steps (Beginner to advanced)”, “Learn Bhangra App”, “How to Learn Bhangra/Bollywood Dance”, “How to do Bhangra – Single Dhamaal” . ok let’s check this one out. Ummmmm ok ok left and one foot up , ok now sit and this is called CHAAL, then SHEESHA , JUGNI …wow I didn’t know these steps had names. Full respect to Learn Bhangra App.You are the best.

OMG that is BHANGRA EMPIRE. Wow that is their summer video – Let me see that.  This was so awesome………..wow look at that guy – he is so handsome , I have to make a Bhangra Video. Ok first let me see when is Diljit Dosanjh’s movie releasing?

Google.com –Ambersariya release date – click – Ummmm 25 March 2016. See Calendar – still 3 weeks to go.  11^th March is good Friday? Does Indegene have offices open on Friday ??  Ummmm Oh even Holi is coming – when is Holi?

Google.com – Holi 2016 date – click – Oh ok 23 March 2016 – Mom is coming back from Punjab on Ummm 22 March, Oh wow then Mom and me will watch Ambersariya together Yayayay. I have to ask her to get some Punjabi juttis, I need some in stock – let me check if we have any Punjabi juttis online.

Open first window Flipkart.com, second window amazon.com , third window google.com  - search for Punjabi jutti – click . OMG these are so pretty . Wow you get jutti on flipkart and amazon . scroll scroll scroll, wow with heels, scroll scroll – this one is nice – check size . ok add to basket – will shop later.

Achha those earrings I saw last time – are those still there – click click click Awww those earrings – so pretty – I need just these for office wear – Ummm – do we get Patiala suit also ?? Patiala suit – click – Hmmmm options are there but Punjab wali gall nahi hai.

I need a tshirt for Crossfit – let me see what I have here – women-sports wear – tshirt – click – too long, ah no too tight – this is ok – arre nice shoes – click – scroll scroll – filter by nike and adidas – scroll scroll – let me add these to basket , will shop later.

Trrriiiinnnnngggg Trrriiiinnnnngggg “Mom Calling”  7:20 pm

Hello Mummy, Hanji all well.

Nahi Mummy – could not go out for grocery, I spent all my day searching for job. I will order grocery online. Nai , I didn’t call Pammi Bhuaji, I was so busy searching job. Ok I will call her now. Right away mom, tusi phone rakho, I will call her right now.

Pammi Bhuaji ………”Jis number te tusi call kar rahe ho, oho number es welle vyast haiga, the number you are calling is currently busy”

Ok let me check the shoes then I will call Pammi Bhuaji…….Click click…………

Daughter - A Gift of Love

Today I met Venkat Uncle in the lift carrying Jholas of veggies and fruits, his wife who is his perennial partner for veggie shopping was missing. I asked him “Where is Aunty , Venkat Uncle?”.

“Aunty not well, sleeping, full fever, full cold, all night coughing. I wash house, kitchen, clothes, now I make curry. Without Aunty very difficult life for me.” As he stepped out of the lift managing his jholas I told him not to hesitate if he needed any help.

It reminded me of the days when Mummy would come to visit me and brother, Papa used to have a very tough time – it was not just kitchen but everything starting from morning tea , maids, clothes, calls from relatives, calls from children, taking care of Bibi, making sure the bedsheets are changed, paying everyone’s salary on time and what not revolves around Mummy. All this apart from the intangible emotional involvement she has in our lives. Such an important role a woman has to play and still in many places the society fails to give them the respect they should get and many times get rid of them even before they are born.

Dil bharda……..

kukh vich na maar maaye, tenu dekhan da jee karda

Chidi boldi………….

Godi vich chak baabla, main naa teri pagg roldi

Vajdi Ghadoli…….

Soni pagg ban veera, ajj tor tu meri doli

Khanke kangna…..

Booha khol, Main tere ghar aayee saajna

I cannot thank Waheguru ji enough that I was born to such loving parents, who brought me up like their son. There was no such privilege which I was kept away from. Infact compared to my brother, I have always had a bigger share of everything. I had more clothes in my wardrobe, my education was more expensive than my brother’s, a bowl of Matar Paneer is always kept separately for me coz that is my favorite and I won’t share it with anyone, Papa gifted me a car before my brother got one and so much more that couple of pages are too few to mention - I am everyone’s Laadli in the family.

Till now I thought girls of my generation and similar families would not have any different life than mine. But I realized I was wrong when I met Jeeti, my loving friend from school days and more surprisingly to see that a woman was responsible for her own demise.

 Jeeti, the only child of her parents, got married, as the tradition holds, into another Business-wali family. Gurmeet, her husband is very educated and DEGREEfied – well known Doctor. A posh house in Sector 21 Chandigarh and three hospitals doing extremely well, very reputed family in the Punjabi Circle - what else would you want? A son. Nope not just a healthy child, but a son.

Jeeti, morosely narrated how she was under so much stress from her in-laws who wanted to have a grandson. After she relieved her mind’s agony, she said “Neet, I am going to send this letter to my mother in law, hope she will get some sense of what she is doing after reading this.” The letter read: 

"

Dear Mummyji,

I tried pleading, explained you how it was ok that I am also a girl and the only child to my parents, and that you were born a woman too – but nothing seems to budge your desire for a grandson.  

I am happy, at-least Gurmeet, is supporting me and his support is my strength. I think his righteous nature comes from Daddy ji – the Y chromosome is playing well. I am wondering what traits he would have picked up from your X chromosome in his XY combination.

And think a little more – If I have a son, he would have my X and Gurmeet’s Y , your grandson would not have anything from you.  Your legacy ends at Gurmeet.

Only If I have a girl – Gurmeet’s X would carry your legacy.

This also means you should have prayed for a daughter, who would have probably passed your inheritance. Since you missed that chance at-least now pray for a grand-daughter so that something of you is passed forward.

Jeeti.

“

After I heard her, for a couple of seconds I was awkwardly stupefied. I just realized – Oh yes – the grandson doesn’t carry the X from father’s side. Barring the details of how chromosomes work -

Tell me Bebeji – why do you want Pota only? Even if it is a girl it is fine !

At this moment to my mind comes the picture of a young girl “Her name was Neerja Bhanot and she died a hero”.  There is no dearth of Neerjas, Kalpana Chawlas, PT Ushas, Kiran Bedis, Chhavi Rajawats  and so many such names of women who have made their family and country proud then why should the society shy of having girl child.

Gurbani says:

“ਸੋ ਕਿਉ ਮੰਦਾ ਆਖੀਐ ਜਿਤੁ ਜੰਮਹਿ ਰਾਜਾਨ ॥“(why call her bad? From her, kings are born.)

“ਭੰਡਹੁ ਹੀ ਭੰਡੁ ਊਪਜੈ ਭੰਡੈ ਬਾਝੁ ਨ ਕੋਇ ॥“(From woman, woman is born; without woman, there would be no one at all)