I have not been going to the Gurdwara Sahib since past few Sundays
- today Simmi called and asked me why I wasn’t coming ?? I told her how other things were keeping me
busy and I will be there starting next Sunday hopefully – but a visit to the
Gurdwara sahib doesn’t keep us from chit chatting about Office. Once she
starts – she just goes on and on – and I listen to her all ears because not
only do I relate to what she says but she
is simply hilarious.
So after she finished talking about the agony she goes
through in office – we built a FRAMEWORK and we could put some of our
colleagues in this framework. So here it goes:
The THUNDERSTORM:
He cannot do anything silently. Sitting at his desk he shouts on the phone, he
never walks to the colleagues desk – he hollers and expects to hear back at the
same wavelength, even in the meetings he maintains his volume high, he thinks
only people who know the right thing will have the confidence to talk loudly so
he always talks loudly therefore he is always right.
The RANDOMIZER: Before
speaking anything, literally anything he puts the formula RANDBETWEEN(A to Z) and
then speaks the output. I get amazed at how someone can be so random and yet so
not conscious about it and even when you make him realize that he was random in
giving that answer – he gives you back a random expression. For e.g.
Me: Hey Randomizer , for this situation we can
either escalate this to client or put in a change request or just to build good
will we can cover it up for the client and let them know. What do you suggest?
Randomizer: Yes
Me: The yes was for which one?
Randomizer: The options above
Me: We need to choose one
Randomizer: Ok
The AGENT GARBO: He is super
secretive about everything but will try all means to extract information
from you. His best bet is tea breaks. His strategy is also secretive – but Simmi
and me could decode a part of it. He talks about world news, competitor
companies and will give you a hint that
he knows what your manager is planning about you and then not say anything. Ahaannnnnn
– that’s when he got you hooked – now he will extract information from you and
in return will tell you only at the end of the conversation the exact details
of your manager’s plan, after he has had his details, at the end he tells you
that your manager has MASTER PLANS of shifting your desk due to realignment of
office space.
Mr. Agent Garbo – did you feel that
muscle tweak in your gut? Yes? Yes? Good – coz I am SECRETLY doing some black
magic woodo and soon you will feel the tweak in your brain. HE HE HA HA
The CHAMELEONER: He will claim that he has very high ethical
standards, is a deep thinker, is your close friend, shares everything with you
and will always have a reason for not keeping up to any of the above.
Me: Hey CHAMELEONER, I heard you are going to USA
for 2 weeks – you never mentioned about it?
CHAMELEONER: Ohhhh, that is such a trivial trip……not
even worth mentioning. You know I share everything with you – you would be the
first one to know if it was something important.
After some teas and lunches……
CHAMELEONER: Hey, you know you are my close friend
so I had to obviously share this news with you first, I got through that
million dollar deal.
Me: Oh Nice! But we all know about it since a month –
the whole team knows about it.
CHAMELEONER: Oh ok. But we had the first status call
meeting today which signifies that work has started and only you know about it.
After some more teas and lunches…..
Me: Good Lord , you got promoted !!!! Wow that is so
nice – you should have told us, it calls for celebration.
CHAMELEONER: Oh no – that is just a change in the designation – it’s not a promotion. Otherwise I would have obviously told you – you are such a close friend of mine.
CHAMELEONER: Oh no – that is just a change in the designation – it’s not a promotion. Otherwise I would have obviously told you – you are such a close friend of mine.
Mr. CHAMELEONER – My sympathies with
you. You suffer from a dangerous virus WANTOBERIA – where you pretend to be
what you WANT TO BE, but actually you are not. Many people have been affected by
it and the only tablet that has worked is called COURAGE: to be yourself.
THE BALANCER: He is one of the
best persons around. Sometimes he gives you vibes that he is manipulative but
overall he is a charmer. He talks nicely, has good knowledge of what he is
talking, gets the work done mostly, sometimes he ignores you but makes up for
it at other times, talks diplomatically is not an emotional fool, ignores the
crap and focuses on the right thing and he is very good at dealing with the
above categories.
Mr. Balancer, Do you wear a black tape
around your eyes by any chance?????? I mean that is the only thing I see that
balances well. Ok ….Bad Joke. I am jealous of you.
The WORKBIN: He is the poor guy who meekly accepts
everything that others say or ask him to do and all the @#$% is dumped on him
for not getting it right.
Manager: Hey WORKBIN, Make a presentation on world
war 23, we have a meeting on Monday.
WORKBIN: But I don’t know anything about it. Can you
give me some ideas?
Manager: Of course I have ideas, I am the subject
matter expert here and I must tell you, you have to pick up the domain real
fast or you are not adding any value. I might have to take some serious steps
if you don’t buck up.
WORKBIN: Ok I will try my best. What should be the
approach for the presentation, any ideas you have?
Manager: Oh Yes, the client should feel that we have
experience in all the past 22 world wars. Make a case study of at-least 5 world
wars and make sure you have numbers on the presentation.
WORKBIN works all night – makes the presentation, shows
it to manager
Manager: Oh, this is bull-@#$% and nonsensical.
Mr. WORKBIN, don’t wait for a spider
to bite you and turn you into superhero. You are amazing – just believe in yourself
and speak out the two lettered word NO.
There are so many more kinds of people in office and so many instances
which make us angry or happy and lead to new frameworks. But I will be blessed
if I can follow the one framework that Gurbani has taught us
Wantoberia: I like this word.
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