Maa kendi “Padla Teeye (daughter), ujjwal
hou sawera”
Main aakheya Maa nu “Theek aa
Maati, Teeh roshan karu naam tera”
Babul mainu “puttar” aakhda,
putt wangu sir te chakda
Main aakheya Babul nu “Papaji, Teeh
rakhu khayal teri pagg da”
Aa ki kitta Maaye meriye, aa ki kitta Baabal
Ghar to baahar- kehoji duniya, dil vich reh jaanda mal
Kyon mianu padauna si, Kyon puttaraan wang banauna si
Chulle-chauki te bathauna si, sirf hanji kehna sikhauna si
Syaani oho nahi jedi tark kare, te sachi gall sunave
Syaani taan oho jedi neevi paake , hanji keh lang jaave
Mainu kende padh likhke, tu aakad di gall gall te
Tees uthdi dil mere vich, jad suna ehe pal pal te
Kehoji kapati duniya, te kehoje kapati lok
Aakhde aapnu pade likhe, lekin sire de bok
Sanskaar de naa te kende, kar tu ehe kaam-kaaj
Saadi haan vich haan mila, ehi kudi di laaj
Per koi na mere baabla, fikar na kar meri maaye
Teri teeh us kaum di, jo Gobind Singh to bal paaye
Sache sidhhe lokaan de, waheguru sada hai naal
Mera, sache paatshaah, waheguru rakhu khayaal
After many days I visited the Gurudwara today. They say “The old that
is strong does not wither” and so is our connection with our roots. The
soothing tone in which the Paathi sings hymns is not only relaxing but also
nostalgic. After many days I met Simmi and I had so much to catch up on.
After we were done discussing the friends, colleagues and families
Simmi mentioned about the trouble that her elder sister was going through in
her marriage. Hearing her sister’s story Simmi and me felt it would be any
independent girl’s story of today’s generation.
Parents make sure their daughter is well educated and standing on her
feet. She becomes independent, takes her own decision, consults parents when necessary and then comes the
“Marriageable age”. Parents try hard to find a suitable match. They show all
possible matches to her in the hope that she will say yes to at-least one out
of 10. She grows older everyday and so does the concern of the parents and even
more the concern of the relatives and society who make sure they remind you
your “Marriageable age” everyday at parties, functions and society gatherings.
Your achievements in career and hobbies are looked down upon as means to obtain
some solace because of the miserable life you are leading a.k.a a life devoid
of husband.
“Compromise” you have to do otherwise you will never get married – what
other people call compromise seems like sacrifice to her. What should she
compromise on? Intellect level, education, family status, manners….please
define compromise. And no one has an answer. Finally she decides to compromise
and gets married. What started with
compromise on one aspect turned into a series of compromises – “you
are the bahu, let the elders decide”, “I don’t like when you work late night, I
earn enough for all of us”, “what a wastage of time reading stupid novels,
spend this time interacting with my mother”, “why do you create a fuss over
every small family issue, you have a problem not my family”, “Just because you
are educated, you are not right all the time”, “city life has made you forget
your culture and sanskaar”, "Keep your fundas
for the classroom discussion, this is my house, I know what to do”, “My parents
are right in their own way , they are aged, you adjust”
It was the girl’s parent’s responsibility to make sure they give her
enough in the wedding so that she is not felt as a burden in the other house
It is now their responsibility to make sure she is educated and also
knows household work.
It will be their responsibility to ensure they preach her all the
lessons to make adjustments in “the other house” and drag on to label it a
successful marriage.
What is a boy’s parent’s responsibility? Nothing. They raised a species called Male – they are done.
Why does a mother not tell his son about the hardships she went through
and tell him to be more sensitive towards his wife.
Why a mother-in-law makes her Bahu go through the same hardships that she faced with her in-laws?
Why “sanskaari” boy means he will let his parents make decisions but
not let his wife have any say?
Why “sanskaari” girl means, even if you are right you shut up and say
yes to all the wrong happening around you?
I don’t mean to stereotype a gender or any class of society for such
behavior. I know of my friends who treat their wives as queens and some who
have been through miserable divorce because of the girl being at fault.
But Simmi’s sister’s life triggered this thread of thoughts which is a story in so many households.
To all the Male Fraternity for loving their better halves ,standing for them in hard times, for not ignoring your parents, where they are right, and giving them the due respect - Hats Off to you !!
For all the Women who have been through the hardships - you can build a strong foundation with the bricks thrown at you - Think for yourself ALOUD.
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