The Canada a.k.a Kanede da effect

Family Talks

Yesterday I talked to my relatives in Canada – those typical weekends where one of them calls you and then the other relative gets to know that “talking” has happened. To make sure there is no news that they are bereft of, they call and make sure that they have done the “talking” ….and the “talking” passes on till all of them have talked to me and among themselves to make sure they are “talking” the same thing.  No complains, it is just the way our families function and show love J

Most of them were in India till the 90’s which means my chacha-chachis , mama-mamis , taaya – taayis and everyone who belongs to my parent’s generation were in their late 30s- early 40s when they moved to Canada. After spending 40 odd years in theth Jatt Punjabi culture in India it was probably difficult for them to pick up the Canadian accent but they definitely picked up some words which they would use without fail. Surprisingly, they talk and do the same things which they used to make fun of when they were in India and relatives from JOOO ESSS AAA (USA) and JOOO KKK (UK) would come over. My Chachi laughed away when I imitated her PUNGLISH (Punjabi + English).  Not just the way of speaking but there are lifestyle changes they undergo – which they HAVE TO otherwise they don’t get social acceptance in Indo-Canadian culture.

#1: The Haircut

Not so much for the older generation but for my generation and younger the guys would have the YO haircut. It became so evident that when we would go to Ludhiana for vacation we could literally recognize Canadian Punjabi boys just by the way they dressed – Jeans, Puma t-shirt , white sneakers and YO haircut.

#2: The DALLE

Just like we never say Paise but "Pehe", we never say Dollars but DALLE. It doesn’t matter whether you are buying at a wholesale shop in chaura bazaar or hot-shot designer wear in Mall Road, they have to ask “Dalle lende o tusi? “ (Do you accept Dollars?).

Yea we got it – yea you don’t have rupees , the derogatory currency , because you are from the Kanede.

#3: The RIGHT way

When they move from India to Canada, the shift from left way to Right (left-right-left) way has a serious impact on their brain. The brain now functions in the Right (correct) way. Ok this did not make sense but I still felt like writing this pathetic joke. But the point is they always have a right way or right of way or something of that sort.

“Diljeet Mamaji’s son is doing very good in his business, oho RIGHT WAY te ja reha”

“Bhenji, this time I am very happy, Boutique wali ne mere suit RIGHT WAY stich kitte ne”

#4: The Punglish

They get used to putting English words in between Punjabi sentences which sometimes  cause serious miscommunication J

Bhenji, mera munda taaaann Kompuderrr aa.

Achha, you mean compounder, works with the Doctor ?

Na Na Behenji, he is like Komputerrrr machine. Brain is very very fast. (dimag bahut tez aa)

 Bhenji, For wedding party in Calgary, Main parandi payee si on my beautiful hair, Saare mainu kende “Tall Parminder with parandi on her Tall Hair, wedding vich bahut fun kitta, fun kar karke tired hoge but more and more fun kitta”

 #5: The YA effect

This effect is contagious and is not limited to Canada. The JOOSSSAA and the JOOKKK are also highly impacted.

“Ajj Weather kina niceYA”

“Main gym jaanaYA”

“Main gurdware matha teknaYA”

YA YA YA YA ……………..

Nevertheless I salute the spirit of my people who have ventured to places on this earth, in many cases to no-man’s land, and were able to establish an identity for themselves. When my friends tease me “Navneet, what are you doing here, you should be in kanede”, when they consider Canada synonymous to Punjab, when  they talk about how Air Canada flight is full of Moga and Jagraon……..I feel a clandestine pride and happiness about belonging to this clan “Sheraan di kaum Punjabi” !!!

It is silly - but I can't hep - I like "People Watching" :)

Abraham Lincoln said “Human Action can be modified to some extent, but Human nature cannot be changed”. I see this saying fitting perfectly especially when I am travelling. I am not an avid traveler but work and home visit make up for a few trips in the year. I have to say - for so many years there are things that I have noticed and they stay exactly the same irrespective of the country, city, airlines………...just minor differences here and there which might be the human action but the over arching characteristics remain just the same, that must be the human nature.

The Security Check:

There is never dearth of women who cannot give up on their fashion quotient even when traveling and are dressed too prim and proper that it causes discomfort to others who watch the woman managing her accessories. Blow dried hair let down, a small clutch purse, a big hand bag, a carry in luggage, 2 phones – personal and professional, ipod, and tons of junk jewellery is too much to manage when you are struggling to take out your laptop and put it on the tray. While hurrying to the lady police for the security check she forgets her clutch and runs back to place it back on the tray and in the process barely manages not to slip with her high heels which make her walk with feet inwards and wavering legs – walking back to the lady police she drops her boarding pass and pulls down her t-shirt a number of times before she is ready to pick it up and walk again…….WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY? Stay Calm, Stay Simple. No?

The Time Passers:

I don’t know if this is because I am a cleanliness freak and just happen to notice it more than others but I have always been able to spot a person or two sitting near the boarding gate taking care of their nose boogers. Ewwwwww. And I keep thinking do they not find this dirty? Or they think others can’t see them? Or this their way of maintaining cleanliness ??

The Boarding Call:

As the time of boarding nears, people start forming a queue near the gate. The airline attendants keep announcing that they are still waiting for the flight to land, as the same flight will then fly back to destination - but deaf ear. The expression on people’s face is as if “I don’t know who you are, I don’t know what you say, my boarding card says boarding at 3:30 p.m. so I am going to board the plane 3:30 p.m.”

"But sir the plane has not arrived yet"

"I don’t care , just get it"

"Sure sir, Till then you can remain seated"

"No, I will stand in queue"

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy???????? Your seat number is already assigned, then why this kolaveri ????

Then the flight arrives and the attendant says “Passengers seated from 20 to 30 please come forward”

And everyone barges almost to drown the attendant in the passenger pool.

Attendant: ‘Sir, your seat number is 9, kindly wait for your turn”

Passenger gives Blank expression and continues to stand at the same place. After lot of effort he will move an inch and in between keep trying to barge in.

It doesn’t matter whether you board first or last you will sit in seat no. 9 and the plane will not fly without you and you won't get better food if you go first and you have already paid the money for the seat so there is no winner -discount. then please explain to me why you want to run and board the plane?

The Thirsty Passengers:

There will always be few passengers who will put their bags in the over head carrier, settle down in their seat, roll up the sleeves and immediately press the calling button – because they come from Sahara desert – they are thirsty. They want water – right then.

Flight attendant- “Sir, kindly be patient, the passengers are settling down after which we will serve water."

Passenger: "I want water now. I will sue the airlines for not giving me water. Is this the customer service you provide? You think I am foolish?.".....

The Washroom Lovers:

While the attendant keeps screaming onto the mike “Please be seated, the seat belt sign is still on.” There go couple of passengers balancing themselves, holding onto the seats, smiling at the passengers whose head they hit while walking to the washroom.

10 minutes before this you were in the waiting area which had 5 washrooms and no restrictions and here it looks like you were holding it in your bladder and were waiting for this adventure trip where you can walk on an elevated plane to empty your bladder. Is your name Adam? Because you want to do what is forbidden.

The Hurried Landers:

As soon as the plane touches the ground and relaxes to find a parking spot , tuk tuk tuk cluck cluck you will hear the seat belt opening. The plane has not stopped and you see the passengers already starting to stand up and taking out luggage from the over head carrier. This time it is not the attendant – serious situation – pilot announces from the cockpit “Passengers please be seated because we have not received any indication from the control room for parking”………Passengers ignore him , as if to say “Dude your job was to fly this thingy , which you did and now your job is done, if you don’t find a spot to park, just open the door , I will jump down, and walk the rest of the way.”

I am always one of the last passengers to get off the plane and really it doesn’t matter because as my good luck serves me my luggage will be one of the last baggage on the belt. When I am almost sure the airlines have lost it there it comes limping on the belt – with one side or the other slightly torn.

The Phone Callers:

“Hello…..Haan Main baith gaya plane mei. Haan Haan baith gaya. Haan window seat hai”

“Hello……Abhi plane udne wala hai. Haan abhi udega 5-10 minute mei. Fir utarke phone karta hoon”

“Yea now bye ok. Yea Yea only 45 minutes flight baby – then I will call you na, yea don’t worry I will be fine, Yea I have put cotton in ears , no-no in one ear , after keeping phone I will put in this ear also, yea ok baby byebye, rakho naaa, haan utarke phone karti hoon, rakho na baby, miss you”

“Hello….haan hello…..haan land kar gaya plane , abhi belt pe samaan leke 10-15 minute mei aata hoon bahaar. Kaunsi car leke aaye ho? Arre Honda city kahan hai? Mamaji ko kyun de diya wo car? Tum abhi kaunsi car leke aaye ho? Iska servicing karwa liya tha tumne? Kahan pe wait kar rahe ho? Achha aise to samajh nai aata baahar aake dekhta hoon.

All these passengers are “Don” – Inko chup karana mushkil hi nahi namumkin hai.

Nevertheless I like airport, I like aeroplane because they take me to my loved ones but the only time I don't like flying is when it takes me away from them.

It is not abnormal, it is limited edition !!

I have heard this many times in the past and last couple of weeks many more times that it makes me think WHAT IS NORMAL?

I have been a loner all along and enjoy being that way, I don’t have many friends, I don’t like parties, I don’t like shopping with a group of friends – I rather go alone, I don’t drink despite being in the corporate world for 10 years, my definition of holiday is visiting home because I stay alone far from family, though I am a girl I don’t remember birthdays and anniversaries, I am not excited about performing a dance at my cousins wedding, I don’t care about fashion because I have my style statement which I won’t change, I hate going to beauty parlor and do it only when it is extremely necessary, I read one book of Mills and Boons and never again – I find them creepy, I can spend the whole day at home reading a book and cooking some good food, that is how I relax, I also love Friday evenings not because I am preparing to go to a pub but because I can watch an old movie till late in the night and wake up late on a Saturday morning and not worry about meetings on my calendar – that makes me happy, I have a reputation in office of not being friendly , being too reserved and too blunt – for this and many more reasons I am ABNORMAL a.k.a boring, not social, self-contained and sometimes selfish.

“You need to have some fun in life, weekends are for fun and not for wasting them at home”, “Tum umar se pehle budhhi ho gayee ho”, “You are a gone-case” – and so many such comments which I hear now and then from people who have a normal life.

I don’t understand what normal means – just because a majority of people think something is fine it becomes normal ? This normality is not an issue just with my personality but with so many aspects of life – it is normal to say small lies if it doesn’t hurt anyone, it is normal for a Punjabi to drink, it is normal for a Punjabi wedding to be grand, nowadays it is normal to be in a live-in relationship, little bit of office flirting is normal – keep its healthy, once u go to USA you will not think of coming back to India – that is very normal, having divorce nowadays is so normal, going to the pub every Friday is normal, even if you are not paying taxes it is fine – you can compensate by going to the temple every weekend –that is normal, bursting crackers and polluting the environment is normal, nowadays inter-caste and inter-religion marriages are normal.

Once upon a time Sati was normal, honor killing was normal , infact it is still normal in some places, girl getting married at 19 was normal, having 5 children was normal, Zamindar troubling the farmers was normal, British ruling India was normal, girls not allowed to study and work was normal…………..but today it is not. Why?

 When majority does not have problem with it, it becomes normal. What is normal in the west is not normal in the eastern world and vice versa. The lifestyle that is normal in Bangalore is not normal in a village of Punjab. The bigger debate is what is normal is considered right. Even this boils down to majority I guess? If there is a majority of people saying something is right – it is considered right. It is well said “Wrong does not cease to be wrong just because the majority share in it”. But look at the vicious circle who decides whether it is right or wrong – the majority- at least most of the times.

I have realized that my “abnormality” is probably because I am in minority. My choices don’t have social acceptance. I am not in the prettiest, easiest or most comfortable spot with the rest of the world and sometimes I wish I was more normal than what I am – but may be your weird is my normal. Who’s to say? J

To Strong Women - May we know them, May we be them, May we raise them

Maa kendi “Padla Teeye (daughter), ujjwal hou sawera”

Main aakheya Maa nu “Theek aa Maati, Teeh roshan karu naam tera”

Babul mainu “puttar” aakhda, putt wangu sir te chakda

Main aakheya Babul nu “Papaji, Teeh rakhu khayal teri pagg da”

Aa ki kitta Maaye meriye, aa ki kitta Baabal

Ghar to baahar- kehoji duniya, dil vich reh jaanda mal

Kyon mianu padauna si, Kyon puttaraan wang banauna si

Chulle-chauki te bathauna si, sirf hanji kehna sikhauna si

Syaani oho nahi jedi tark kare, te sachi gall sunave

Syaani taan oho jedi neevi paake , hanji keh lang jaave

Mainu kende padh likhke, tu aakad di gall gall te

Tees uthdi dil mere vich, jad suna ehe pal pal te

Kehoji kapati duniya, te kehoje kapati lok

Aakhde aapnu pade likhe, lekin sire de bok

Sanskaar de naa te kende, kar tu ehe kaam-kaaj

Saadi haan vich haan mila, ehi kudi di laaj

Per koi na mere baabla, fikar na kar meri maaye

Teri teeh us kaum di, jo Gobind Singh to bal paaye

Sache sidhhe lokaan de, waheguru sada hai naal

Mera, sache paatshaah, waheguru rakhu khayaal

After many days I visited the Gurudwara today. They say “The old that is strong does not wither” and so is our connection with our roots. The soothing tone in which the Paathi sings hymns is not only relaxing but also nostalgic. After many days I met Simmi and I had so much to catch up on.

After we were done discussing the friends, colleagues and families Simmi mentioned about the trouble that her elder sister was going through in her marriage. Hearing her sister’s story Simmi and me felt it would be any independent girl’s story of today’s generation. 

Parents make sure their daughter is well educated and standing on her feet. She becomes independent, takes her own decision, consults parents when necessary and then comes the “Marriageable age”. Parents try hard to find a suitable match. They show all possible matches to her in the hope that she will say yes to at-least one out of 10. She grows older everyday and so does the concern of the parents and even more the concern of the relatives and society who make sure they remind you your “Marriageable age” everyday at parties, functions and society gatherings. Your achievements in career and hobbies are looked down upon as means to obtain some solace because of the miserable life you are leading a.k.a a life devoid of husband.

“Compromise” you have to do otherwise you will never get married – what other people call compromise seems like sacrifice to her. What should she compromise on? Intellect level, education, family status, manners….please define compromise. And no one has an answer. Finally she decides to compromise and gets married. What started with  compromise on one aspect turned into a series of compromises – “you are the bahu, let the elders decide”, “I don’t like when you work late night, I earn enough for all of us”, “what a wastage of time reading stupid novels, spend this time interacting with my mother”, “why do you create a fuss over every small family issue, you have a problem not my family”, “Just because you are educated, you are not right all the time”, “city life has made you forget your culture and sanskaar”, "Keep your  fundas for the classroom discussion, this is my house, I know what to do”, “My parents are right in their own way , they are aged, you adjust”

It was the girl’s parent’s responsibility to make sure they give her enough in the wedding so that she is not felt as a burden in the other house

It is now their responsibility to make sure she is educated and also knows household work.

It will be their responsibility to ensure they preach her all the lessons to make adjustments in “the other house” and drag on to label it a successful marriage.

What is a boy’s parent’s responsibility? Nothing. They raised a species called Male – they are done.

Why does a mother not tell his son about the hardships she went through and tell him to be more sensitive towards his wife.

Why a mother-in-law makes her Bahu go through the same hardships that she faced with her in-laws?

Why “sanskaari” boy means he will let his parents make decisions but not let his wife have any say?

Why “sanskaari” girl means, even if you are right you shut up and say yes to all the wrong happening around you?

I don’t mean to stereotype a gender or any class of society for such behavior. I know of my friends who treat their wives as queens and some who have been through miserable divorce because of the girl being at fault. But Simmi’s sister’s life triggered this thread of thoughts which is a story in so many households.

To all the Male Fraternity for loving their better halves ,standing for them in hard times, for not ignoring your parents, where they are right, and  giving them the due respect - Hats Off to you !!

For all the Women who have been through the hardships - you can build a strong foundation with the bricks thrown at you - Think for yourself ALOUD.