All of us have had the famous discussions and debates on Arrange
Marriage vs. Love Marriage whether at school, college, office, drinking at a pub
over heart break, on the dining table with parents, when that one cousin of the
family dared to do love marriage, when that one cousin who was always
appreciated for being the “good child” of the family ………….and many more times.
As my friends and cousins tie their knots it is interesting to hear
their story and in short here is a compilation of why they got married:
I fell head over
heels on your bhabhi, Tota si apne college di, So viah taan karauna si
I finished Masters
, was well settled in my job now that was the next thing to do
I wanted to teach
my ex a lesson, so I got married so that she realizes what a mistake she did by
leaving me.
Achaaaa.....Let me get married before her
I was in love with
him, we both were strong emotional support for each other so it was a worthy goal
I was tired of
paying all my bills and rent on my own ,
I thought I will find someone to share them, everyone said marriage is the best
way out
All my friends were
getting married – I had no one of my age left to hang out with so I thought let’s
get married
My parents were
after my life to get married, finally I gave in, their izzat and khandaan and
all
My mother wanted me
to get married, Dad is chill
He was rich, I didn’t
want to keep working –I met him and knew instantly he is the one
I wanted to have
children, they are god’s blessing
I was going to hit
30, I had decided I will marry before 30 for sure otherwise I am the odd one
out, everyone will call me old
What kind of a
question is this? Everyone does, I did, big deal.
I was working in
USA, if you are married you pay less taxes and one more working partner is an advantage and parents were also after my life
Paihe milge..... :)
My mother told me I
will get some cash money in dowry and I needed that to invest in business and I
got a wife also.
I met her, we both
liked each other , had the same interests and thought it would be a good idea
to get married so that we can stay together without society pointing any dirty
fingers at us
He looks like
Ranbir Kapoor so I fell in love with him and told Daddy ji, I will marry this
guy only
Who am I earning so
much money for? With whom will I watch a movie and laugh at jokes? When I go
out to whom should I say “Look this river is so beautiful” – I was tired of
taking selfies – I decided it is time to get married
Stupid me :)
I didn’t have
enough education credentials so that was
the only easy way to go to Canada – after going there I will think what to do
Hawwww – why are
you asking ? I was crazy for marriage from bachpan. You know my boyfriend is
just like hero and he told me we will marry in jaipur palace and we will give
big reception and I will wear very heavy lehanga and beauty parlour wali is
coming there only and all guests will come and we will dance so much and then
we will go to honeymoon to Switzerland, I am so happy.
What ??? “Why do
you want to marry” – stupid question. That is why you are not getting married –
stupid girl asking stupid question.
As I spend my inspiring 30s, every day I learn/realize
something about myself and life and I think I have become more mature. And the
very next day ignorance strikes back, grounding me and making me feel there is
still a long way to go. I thought, I will share 30 odd things that
life has taught me in these 30 odd years, or not necessarily taught me but how
I feel about things in my 30s which is different from the previous years – and although
there might be more or less than 30 things but it just sounded nice to have 30 for 30
so here we go:
Family time is very important. For all those times when I
gave undue priority to work and ignored my parents and brother – I don’t feel sad,
Yes no sad, why? Because I would not have understood their importance.
It doesn’t matter if your brother talks to you only when he
has to fight with you or when he needs food or when his clothes are not ironed –
he is the best blood relation after your parents. No cousin/friend can ever
replace a sibling no matter how close a friend and how distant a sibling.
Family
My Parents are getting older – they are about to hit the 60s
and one day they will be no more. This is so dispiriting.
Everybody is in a mess – so don’t honk too hard if the car
in front of you is slow. Just let it go.
Sleep is very important and I can’t sacrifice it for
anything – not for late night movies, not for late night parties nothing.
If I was born today and have to grow up till today – that’s the amount of time left for me on
this planet to travel the world – I guess I will be able to healthily travel
till my 60s
People who get their work done by creating “fear” are only
feared, never respected.
Wear any clothes – it doesn’t matter – it is that attitude
you wear that makes you look beautiful.
I admit my faults on a regular basis and apologize when I
feel likeJ.
I have become more aware of my shortcomings and put in a lot of effort to
overcome them.
It is absolutely OK to eat your dinner alone, shop alone,
watch TV alone – better alone than bad company
Let nobody tell you that you can’t do it – you and only you
know if you can or you can’t. Now if you don’t want to do it then it is a
different storyJ
They say people change – I don’t think so , I think circumstances
change , situations change, social status changes, bank balance changes –
dishonest remain dishonest, sly remain sly, greedy remain greedy, principled remain
principled, kind remain kind – they don’t change.
If you
think they changed – probably “inconsistency” was a virtue in them you didn’t see.
Healthy Me :)
Exercising and keeping me healthy have become indispensable
part of my routine.
There is no point being possessive about anything in this
world – not your car, not your lavish house, not your relationships – nothing. While
they are around your humanly duty is to enjoy them, when they are gone your
humanly duty is to say “Bye Bye” to them and start enjoying something else.
Sometimes one learning of yours contradicts the other – it’s
ok, just use whichever suits the occasion
and move onJ
Doesn’t matter how much you plan and take precautions, life
will surprise you, but still keep planning because it keeps you from feeling
guilty about sitting hand-on-hand and being useless
Religion is not about reading the Holy Scripture and
performing the rituals – it’s more than that. What more? I don’t know for all
of it….still trying to figure out
If I got married and had kids at the age my mother did – I would
have had a 10 yr old daughter and 6 yr old son and they would be a disaster. Now
I know God has plans for me.
I have learnt to take hard decisions – and I have learnt no
one else will take them for me or live them for me.
No comparison – I don’t compare my riches to other’s ,
infact no comparing anything – we all have our lives to live and no one can
measure how successful or happy you are.
Society will always measure you with its yardstick – ignore their
judgment as long as you know you are right and happy
I never believed in “Kuchh kuchh hota hai Rahul, tum nahi
samjhoge”, but yes there is something your heart will say , your gut will say and don’t ignore it, not so
that you can take a decision for/against the situation but so that you are more
aware of the situation and will know how to deal with it better
Facebook is not life – Life is what happens outside Facebook
You now know who you really are and want to be honest about
it , because now, you don’t care what people think and honesty has its own
charm – doesn’t matter how much you hate the truth in the beginning, you will
fall for it
You can look very very very HOT in your 30s, and the younger
guy next to you, could go for an INsecurity check “Tenu Kaala chasma jachda ni,
jachda ni gore mukhde te”
27. There is no dance like Bhangra and no music like Punjabi music.
Period.
28. You realize the difference between debating and convincing –
now you let people have their
viewpoint vs. passionately convincing them to
accept yours. As a result there is less room for
compromise – you just walk
away.
29. Love doesn’t happen when you plan for it – “Wise men say
only fools rush in” – they are lying
30. As your 30s change, these 30s will change too.
Yesterday I talked to my relatives in Canada – those typical weekends
where one of them calls you and then the other relative gets to know that “talking”
has happened. To make sure there is no news that they are bereft of, they call
and make sure that they have done the “talking” ….and the “talking” passes on
till all of them have talked to me and among themselves to make sure they are “talking”
the same thing. No complains, it is just
the way our families function and show love J
Most of them were in India till the 90’s which means my chacha-chachis
, mama-mamis , taaya – taayis and everyone who belongs to my parent’s
generation were in their late 30s- early 40s when they moved to Canada. After spending
40 odd years in theth Jatt Punjabi culture
in India it was probably difficult for them to pick up the Canadian accent but
they definitely picked up some words which they would use without fail. Surprisingly,
they talk and do the same things which they used to make fun of when they were
in India and relatives from JOOO ESSS AAA (USA) and JOOO KKK (UK) would come
over. My Chachi laughed away when I imitated her PUNGLISH (Punjabi + English). Not just the way of speaking but there are
lifestyle changes they undergo – which they HAVE TO otherwise they don’t get social
acceptance in Indo-Canadian culture.
#1: The Haircut
Not so much for the older generation but for my generation and younger the guys would have the YO haircut. It became so evident
that when we would go to Ludhiana for vacation we could literally recognize Canadian
Punjabi boys just by the way they dressed – Jeans, Puma t-shirt , white sneakers
and YO haircut.
#2: The DALLE
Just like we never say Paise but "Pehe", we never say Dollars but DALLE. It
doesn’t matter whether you are buying at a wholesale shop in chaura bazaar or
hot-shot designer wear in Mall Road, they have to ask “Dalle lende o tusi? “ (Do
you accept Dollars?).
Yea we got it – yea you don’t have rupees , the derogatory currency ,
because you are from the Kanede.
#3: The RIGHT way
When they move from India to Canada, the shift from left way to Right
(left-right-left) way has a serious impact
on their brain. The brain now functions in the Right (correct) way. Ok this did
not make sense but I still felt like writing this pathetic joke. But the point is they always have a right way or right of way or something of that sort.
“Diljeet Mamaji’s son is doing very good in his business, oho RIGHT WAY
te ja reha”
“Bhenji, this time I am very happy, Boutique wali ne mere suit RIGHT
WAY stich kitte ne”
#4: The Punglish
They get used to putting English words in between Punjabi sentences
which sometimes cause serious
miscommunication J
Bhenji, mera munda taaaann Kompuderrr aa.
Achha, you mean compounder, works with the Doctor ?
Na Na Behenji, he is like Komputerrrr machine. Brain is very
very fast. (dimag bahut tez aa)
Bhenji, For wedding party in Calgary, Main parandi payee si on my
beautiful hair, Saare mainu kende “Tall Parminder with parandi on her Tall Hair,
wedding vich bahut fun kitta, fun kar karke tired hoge but more and more fun
kitta”
#5: The YA effect
This effect is contagious and is not limited to Canada. The JOOSSSAA
and the JOOKKK are also highly impacted.
“Ajj Weather kina niceYA”
“Main gym jaanaYA”
“Main gurdware matha teknaYA”
YA YA YA YA ……………..
Nevertheless I salute the spirit of my people who have ventured to
places on this earth, in many cases to no-man’s land, and were able to
establish an identity for themselves. When my friends tease me “Navneet, what
are you doing here, you should be in kanede”, when they consider Canada synonymous
to Punjab, when they talk about how Air
Canada flight is full of Moga and Jagraon……..I feel a clandestine pride and
happiness about belonging to this clan “Sheraan di kaum Punjabi” !!!
Abraham Lincoln said “Human Action can be modified to some extent, but Human nature cannot be changed”. I see this saying fitting perfectly especially
when I am travelling. I am not an avid traveler but work and home visit make up
for a few trips in the year. I have to say - for so many years there are things
that I have noticed and they stay exactly the same irrespective of the country,
city, airlines………...just minor differences here and there which might be the human
action but the over arching characteristics remain just the same, that must be
the human nature.
The Security Check:
There is never dearth of women who cannot give up on their fashion
quotient even when traveling and are dressed too prim and proper that it causes
discomfort to others who watch the woman managing her accessories. Blow dried
hair let down, a small clutch purse, a big
hand bag, a carry in luggage, 2 phones – personal and professional, ipod, and
tons of junk jewellery is too much to manage when you are struggling to take
out your laptop and put it on the tray. While hurrying to the lady police for the security check she forgets her
clutch and runs back to place it back on the tray and in the process barely
manages not to slip with her high heels which make her walk with feet inwards
and wavering legs – walking back to the lady police she drops her boarding pass
and pulls down her t-shirt a number of times before she is ready to pick it up
and walk again…….WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY? Stay Calm, Stay Simple. No?
The Time Passers:
I don’t know if this is because I am a cleanliness freak and just
happen to notice it more than others but I have always been able to spot a
person or two sitting near the boarding gate taking care of their nose boogers.
Ewwwwww. And I keep thinking do they not find this dirty? Or they think others
can’t see them? Or this their way of maintaining cleanliness ??
The Boarding Call:
As the time of boarding nears, people start forming a queue near the
gate. The airline attendants keep announcing that they are still waiting
for the flight to land, as the same flight will then fly back to destination - but deaf ear. The expression on people’s face is as if “I don’t know who you
are, I don’t know what you say, my boarding card says boarding at 3:30 p.m. so
I am going to board the plane 3:30 p.m.”
"But sir the plane has not arrived yet"
"I don’t care , just get it"
"Sure sir, Till then you can remain seated"
"No, I will stand in queue"
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy???????? Your seat number is already assigned, then why this kolaveri ????
Then the flight arrives and the attendant says “Passengers seated from
20 to 30 please come forward”
And everyone barges almost to drown the attendant in the passenger
pool.
Attendant: ‘Sir, your seat number is 9, kindly wait for your turn”
Passenger gives Blank expression and continues to stand at the same place. After
lot of effort he will move an inch and in between keep trying to barge in.
It doesn’t matter whether you board first or last you will sit in seat
no. 9 and the plane will not fly without you and you won't get better food if you go first and you have already paid the money for the seat so there is no winner -discount. then please explain to me why you want to run and board the plane?
The Thirsty Passengers:
There will always be few passengers who will put their bags in the over
head carrier, settle down in their seat, roll up the sleeves and immediately
press the calling button – because they come from Sahara desert – they are
thirsty. They want water – right then.
Flight attendant- “Sir, kindly be patient, the passengers are settling
down after which we will serve water."
Passenger: "I want water now. I will sue the airlines for not giving me
water. Is this the customer service you provide? You think I am foolish?.".....
The Washroom Lovers:
While the attendant keeps screaming onto the mike “Please be seated,
the seat belt sign is still on.” There go couple of passengers balancing
themselves, holding onto the seats, smiling at the passengers whose head they
hit while walking to the washroom.
10 minutes before this you were in the waiting area which had 5
washrooms and no restrictions and here it looks like you were holding it in your
bladder and were waiting for this adventure trip where you can walk on an
elevated plane to empty your bladder. Is your name Adam? Because you want to do
what is forbidden.
The Hurried Landers:
As soon as the plane touches the ground and relaxes to find a parking
spot , tuk tuk tuk cluck cluck you will hear the seat belt opening. The plane
has not stopped and you see the passengers already starting to stand up and
taking out luggage from the over head carrier. This time it is not the
attendant – serious situation – pilot announces from the cockpit “Passengers
please be seated because we have not received any indication from the control
room for parking”………Passengers ignore him , as if to say “Dude your job was to
fly this thingy , which you did and now your job is done, if you don’t find a
spot to park, just open the door , I will jump down, and walk the rest of the
way.”
I am always one of the last passengers to get off the plane and really
it doesn’t matter because as my good luck serves me my luggage will be one of
the last baggage on the belt. When I am almost sure the airlines have lost it
there it comes limping on the belt – with one side or the other slightly torn.
The Phone Callers:
“Hello…..Haan Main baith gaya plane mei. Haan Haan baith gaya. Haan
window seat hai”
“Hello……Abhi plane udne wala hai. Haan abhi udega 5-10 minute mei. Fir
utarke phone karta hoon”
“Yea now bye ok. Yea Yea only 45 minutes flight baby – then I will call
you na, yea don’t worry I will be fine, Yea I have put cotton in ears , no-no
in one ear , after keeping phone I will put in this ear also, yea ok baby
byebye, rakho naaa, haan utarke phone karti hoon, rakho na baby, miss you”
“Hello….haan hello…..haan land kar gaya plane , abhi belt pe samaan
leke 10-15 minute mei aata hoon bahaar. Kaunsi car leke aaye ho? Arre Honda city
kahan hai? Mamaji ko kyun de diya wo car? Tum abhi kaunsi car leke aaye ho?
Iska servicing karwa liya tha tumne? Kahan pe wait kar rahe ho? Achha aise to
samajh nai aata baahar aake dekhta hoon.
All these passengers are “Don” – Inko chup karana mushkil hi nahi namumkin
hai.
Nevertheless I like airport, I like aeroplane because they take me to my loved ones but the only time I don't like flying is when it takes me away from them.
I have heard this many times in the past and last couple of weeks many
more times that it makes me think WHAT IS NORMAL?
I have been a loner all along and enjoy being that way, I don’t have
many friends, I don’t like parties, I don’t like shopping with a group of
friends – I rather go alone, I don’t drink despite being in the corporate world
for 10 years, my definition of holiday is visiting home because I stay alone
far from family, though I am a girl I don’t remember birthdays and
anniversaries, I am not excited about performing a dance at my cousins wedding,
I don’t care about fashion because I have my style statement which I won’t
change, I hate going to beauty parlor and do it only when it is extremely
necessary, I read one book of Mills and Boons and never again – I find them
creepy, I can spend the whole day at home reading a book and cooking some good
food, that is how I relax, I also love Friday evenings not because I am
preparing to go to a pub but because I can watch an old movie till late in the
night and wake up late on a Saturday morning and not worry about meetings on my
calendar – that makes me happy, I have a reputation in office of not being
friendly , being too reserved and too blunt – for this and many more reasons I
am ABNORMAL a.k.a boring, not social, self-contained and sometimes selfish.
“You need to have some fun in life, weekends are for fun and not for
wasting them at home”, “Tum umar se pehle budhhi ho gayee ho”, “You are a
gone-case” – and so many such comments which I hear now and then from people
who have a normal life.
I don’t understand what normal means – just because a majority of
people think something is fine it becomes normal ? This normality is not an
issue just with my personality but with so many aspects of life – it is normal
to say small lies if it doesn’t hurt anyone, it is normal for a Punjabi to
drink, it is normal for a Punjabi wedding to be grand, nowadays it is normal to
be in a live-in relationship, little bit of office flirting is normal – keep its
healthy, once u go to USA you will not think of coming back to India – that is
very normal, having divorce nowadays is so normal, going to the pub every Friday
is normal, even if you are not paying taxes it is fine – you can compensate by
going to the temple every weekend –that is normal, bursting crackers and polluting
the environment is normal, nowadays inter-caste and inter-religion marriages
are normal.
Once upon a time Sati was normal, honor killing was normal , infact it
is still normal in some places, girl getting married at 19 was normal, having 5
children was normal, Zamindar troubling the farmers was normal, British ruling
India was normal, girls not allowed to study and work was normal…………..but today
it is not. Why?
When majority does not have
problem with it, it becomes normal. What is normal in the west is not normal in
the eastern world and vice versa. The lifestyle that is normal in Bangalore is
not normal in a village of Punjab. The bigger debate is what is normal is
considered right. Even this boils down to majority I guess? If there is a majority
of people saying something is right – it is considered right. It is well said “Wrong
does not cease to be wrong just because the majority share in it”. But look at
the vicious circle who decides whether it is right or wrong – the majority- at least
most of the times.
I have realized that my “abnormality” is probably because I am in
minority. My choices don’t have social acceptance. I am not in the prettiest,
easiest or most comfortable spot with the rest of the world and sometimes I wish
I was more normal than what I am – but may be your weird is my normal. Who’s to
say? J
Teri teeh us kaum di, jo Gobind Singh to bal paaye
Sache sidhhe lokaan de, waheguru sada hai naal
Mera, sache paatshaah, waheguru rakhu khayaal
After many days I visited the Gurudwara today. They say “The old that
is strong does not wither” and so is our connection with our roots. The
soothing tone in which the Paathi sings hymns is not only relaxing but also
nostalgic. After many days I met Simmi and I had so much to catch up on.
After we were done discussing the friends, colleagues and families
Simmi mentioned about the trouble that her elder sister was going through in
her marriage. Hearing her sister’s story Simmi and me felt it would be any
independent girl’s story of today’s generation.
Parents make sure their daughter is well educated and standing on her
feet. She becomes independent, takes her own decision, consults parents when necessary and then comes the
“Marriageable age”. Parents try hard to find a suitable match. They show all
possible matches to her in the hope that she will say yes to at-least one out
of 10. She grows older everyday and so does the concern of the parents and even
more the concern of the relatives and society who make sure they remind you
your “Marriageable age” everyday at parties, functions and society gatherings.
Your achievements in career and hobbies are looked down upon as means to obtain
some solace because of the miserable life you are leading a.k.a a life devoid
of husband.
“Compromise” you have to do otherwise you will never get married – what
other people call compromise seems like sacrifice to her. What should she
compromise on? Intellect level, education, family status, manners….please
define compromise. And no one has an answer. Finally she decides to compromise
and gets married. What started with
compromise on one aspect turned into a series of compromises – “you
are the bahu, let the elders decide”, “I don’t like when you work late night, I
earn enough for all of us”, “what a wastage of time reading stupid novels,
spend this time interacting with my mother”, “why do you create a fuss over
every small family issue, you have a problem not my family”, “Just because you
are educated, you are not right all the time”, “city life has made you forget
your culture and sanskaar”, "Keep your fundas
for the classroom discussion, this is my house, I know what to do”, “My parents
are right in their own way , they are aged, you adjust”
It was the girl’s parent’s responsibility to make sure they give her
enough in the wedding so that she is not felt as a burden in the other house
It is now their responsibility to make sure she is educated and also
knows household work.
It will be their responsibility to ensure they preach her all the
lessons to make adjustments in “the other house” and drag on to label it a
successful marriage.
What is a boy’s parent’s responsibility? Nothing. They raised a species called Male – they are done.
Why does a mother not tell his son about the hardships she went through
and tell him to be more sensitive towards his wife.
Why a mother-in-law makes her Bahu go through the same hardships that she faced with her in-laws?
Why “sanskaari” boy means he will let his parents make decisions but
not let his wife have any say?
Why “sanskaari” girl means, even if you are right you shut up and say
yes to all the wrong happening around you?
I don’t mean to stereotype a gender or any class of society for such
behavior. I know of my friends who treat their wives as queens and some who
have been through miserable divorce because of the girl being at fault.
But Simmi’s sister’s life triggered this thread of thoughts which is a story in so many households.
To all the Male Fraternity for loving their better halves ,standing for them in hard times, for not ignoring your parents, where they are right, and giving them the due respect - Hats Off to you !!
For all the Women who have been through the hardships - you can build a strong foundation with the bricks thrown at you - Think for yourself ALOUD.
10 things where there is no point wasting time. Just accept
and move forward. You save a lot of energy which can then be focused in the
right direction.
Convincing your Mom:
There is no need to convince your mom on ANYthing
because she knows EVERYthing and she is always right. Just accept that and see
how easy life becomes.
Mom: Nitu, Ki gall last week also you didn’t
write your blog.
Nitu: Mom, I have so much work at office
and then cooking and Viku (my brother who stays with me) has his own demands of
lunch and dinner and then crossfit – I seem to get so tired. And lately you
know every weekend I was out either shopping or going to friends place – it is
so hectic here……
Mom: And then you keep chitchatting with
friends and waste so much time on net
Nitu: No Mom, Sachi I haven’t been in touch
with so many for so long that they are complaining, I haven’t even done Fb for
weeks now.
Mom: Haan waise I understand beta. Look at
me, I wake up at 6 then breakfast, laundry, cooking, lunch, handling the maids –
by the time its afternoon I am so tired. Then preparing for the upcoming
function in the house – everyday Papa and me are off to market for something or
another, then one or another relative comes over to the house. At least you and
Viku eat outside when you feel like, there are no relatives coming over, no
house to maintain- ek chhota jeha apartment haiga………But chalo koi gall ni. Rest
karo Beta.
Nitu: OKAY. I got it Mom.
And
if I had not convinced her for half an hour that I was so busy I would have
published this blog by Morning.
Putting on the car indicator:
Don’t put on the indicator with the
expectation that the vehicle behind you will slow down and let you have your
way. Nope Nope – big mistake.
You put on the indicator only because if, God
Forbid, there is mishap you can prove that you were doing things the right way.
Even then the opposite party will not agree with you but may be couple of
people in the crowd will agree with you and it will end up in pretty much the
same way had you not put on the indicator but you have ONE extra point in your
kitty when debating in the middle of the road as to whose fault it is.
Shouting at the person who overtook you in
the wrong way:
I always do this and then get even angrier
at myself for doing this because it is literally USELESS. Whether your glasses
are up since the AC is on or down and you have a loud voice which could reach
the other person please understand they have the skin of a Hippopotamus and it
makes no difference to them. “Pagal aa tu? “ , “Bewakoof jeha karda ki firda”, “Hello….O
helloo…..what the hell? “, “Uncle Ji……Kiddar nu Ja rahe ho”, “Accident Karn nu
Jee karda? Indicator taan on karla…..Stupid fellow” all this and frantically
moving my hands in the gesture of “What are you doing? “ and my facial
expressions obviously changing to reflect my angry mood with narrow eyes and crunchy
nose and the person outside seeing my mouth voicing something which he cannot
hear has never helped. It only adds up to my blood pressure. Instead I have now
stopped giving driving lessons on road and follow rules hoping someone will see
me and get inspired even if I am Ms. Nobody.
Teaching your brother how to throw garbage:
This is a clear act of selfishness from the
male species. (Full stop).
My brother will come singing into the
kitchen will see the dustbin which is full up to brim and despite telling him
so many times about it he will conveniently throw more onto the garbage hill –
which will for sure not land into the dustbin and neither balance itself on the
hill top but will topple down especially if it is an empty packet of wafers.
101th time…….
Nitu: Viku , the dustbin is full and still you
threw stuff into it. It is now lying down on the floor.
Viku: Oh Ok. I didn’t notice.
Repeat.
Explaining your maid how to use Lizol (Scented
floor cleaner):
The 1 litre Lizol bottle finishes in a
week. I am so tired of explaining to her about how much she needs to use
but total failure on my end. My maid
thinks Lizol is a magic liquid and will cover up for her not mopping the floor
properly and make it cleaner and pours it too kindly in the water she uses for
mopping.
And to top it before she leaves she tells
me “Madam, dekhiye chakachak ho gaya”.
Convincing your dad to fix the leaking
kitchen tap:
I am sure this is a story in every house.
Mom will call up telling how she doesn’t want to stay with dad because he never
listens to her and he doesn’t fix a leaking tap.
Nitu: Dad , if you don’t want to do it let
us know. Viku can call the plumber he knows he can come and fix it.
OR
Nitu: Dad, is it too expensive. Is the
plumber asking for too much money or something?
OR
Nitu: Dad if you are busy I will do it.
OR
Nitu: Dad just reminding you about it. It’s
been pending for a while. Mom is also getting impatient.
For all the above options Dad has one
answer
Dad: Don’t worry. I will handle it on my
own. You carry on with your work.
And it will only get fixed when he wants to
work on it. Till then neither will he fix it and not let others also fix it. I
have not figured out the reason for this behavior. Strangely, It happens on selective
work items only. Some things get resolved instantly and others have the fate as
mentioned.
Telling yourself not to waste time on net:
I have tried making promises, putting
alarms , setting time table, asking mom to call me at a certain time and remind
me to get away from laptop but nothing has worked. If I decide to go out and
spend time instead – I will come back and again spend more time on net for no
reason so I end up wasting more time. And now it is to the extent that I know
all items that sell on amazon and flipkart , I know in which season tickets
might be less expensive but I know zilch about India and world news. So Unproductive….but
so Enjoyable. Why has babaji made all good things so harmful ?
Making a resolution to eat healthy:
This is my every new year resolution but
the moment I see Golgappe, chaat, chicken Tikkas, gullab jamun, kaju barfi,
rabri , kheer I can’t control. So No more wasting time on making these useless resolutions. I just eat and use the energy in thinking what
more to eat.
Telling people that there is a queue:
Sometimes it works, otherwise in local restaurants, traffic , changing room, airport – you tell a
person politely with a smile “Excuse me there is queue “ the other one gives
you a blank reaction. Then you go again – “You might want to stand there
(pointing to the end of queue) – because we ALL are in a queue”. Again Black reaction. And then you both walk
some distance playing “kabaddi kabaddi” till there comes a junction where one
of you has to give up and generally it’s me. It hurts my ego but I have to give
up because other person whether a woman or man doesn’t mind body contact and
could even use elbows to push me which is so demeaning.
Asking a Vendor if the veggies and fruits
are fresh:
Since I have started ordering online I think
this has reduced but if I buy things from a local vendor I still tend to ask
him “Bhaiaya ye fresh haina” and he goes “Haan haan bibiji, ekdum fresh” . There
has never been a single time when the vendor told me “It is not fresh” so just
stop asking.
Yes, despite all this "I think to myself , what a wonderful world" :)
Have you guys heard about the BUTTERFLY EFFECT? “In chaos theory, the
butterfly effect is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a
small change in one state can result in large differences in a later state.”
The phrase refers to the idea that a
butterfly's wings might create tiny changes in the atmosphere that may
ultimately alter the path of a tornado or delay, accelerate or even prevent the
occurrence of a tornado in another location. When we see a butterfly flapping the
wings, we rarely see a butterfly , but whenever we see a butterfly
flapping wings do you ever think or turn around to your friend and say “OMG the
butterfly is flapping the wings , there is a tornado which will hit some place,
let us warn the weather department” ?? No….. If I get to see such a thing I
would enjoy that moment appreciating the beauty of the wings and its colors and
marvel at who could have created such a thing …....
When we eat, dance, drive, party, love, fight – do we realize that we
might be impacting someone else in a much bigger way than we can imagine. What would
you think if I told you “On 16th May there was an accident that occurred
in Pune because you were honking in Bangalore”. Does that make any sense? No?
In
Bangalore there was a Rahul, on his bike, trying to talk to his fiancée
in Pune while he was driving through the busy roads of Indiranagar area. It was
not usual for him to talk when he was riding but that day Shelly was very upset
and had to urgently talk to Rahul. When the traffic light turned green, Rahul
took a while to start his bike and get into full swing. With no sideway to park and talk and the long queue of vehicles behind him, he got fidgety trying to start the
bike. The vehicles started honking at him and your car was right behind him. You
pinned the horn with your palm and continued to make noise vehemently probably
without realizing that you were making Rahul more nervous. While other vehicles
behind you started tilting towards the left and right and making their way out,
you honked even more as if he had not heard it , as if he was purposely not
starting his bike.
He could not focus on the bike or the phone because all he
heard was the incessant beeeepppppp from
your car. His phone fell down and with shaky hands he tried to pull the
bike to a distance where he could let you have your way. He ran back to pick up the phone which you
had almost crushed under the tyre as you sped by bad mouthing Rahul for his heinous
act. When Rahul dialed Shelly some unknown voice picked up the phone saying “Babuji,
madam ka accident ho gaya hai, behosh hain, thodi der mei phone kariye.” Shelly
who was running up and down the hospital stairs, heard the frantic noise of car
honking and phone falling - her heart skipped a beat. Her father was already
admitted in the hospital and what she heard on the phone made her feel sudden
loss of another man in their family. She blacked out and fell down the stairs.
Oh no – you didn’t kill anyone, she didn’t die. But if she did, would you hold
yourself responsible for it? Not completely obviously, because her terminally ill
father, office pressure, lack of funds were already responsible for her
derogatory state of health and mind but would you take the responsibility of
pulling the last trigger?
When a boss insults an employee in front of so many other colleagues,
when a teacher mocks at a student in the class, when a mother in law makes a
mockery of her son’s wife in front of other relatives, when a wife taunts a
husband about his menial salary and living standards, a colleague making fun of
his peer’s bulging stomach, the lies husband told his wife for coming late, the
wife fighting over his coming late………..all these things are done and dusted the
next minute. These are butterflies flapping their wings and their monstrous
tornado effect will be known to us much later.
But the BUTTERFLY EFFECT says that the flapping “may ultimately alter
the path of a tornado or delay,
accelerate or even prevent the
occurrence of a tornado in another location.” Our wrong actions and deeds will
have a bigger wrong impact but if we flap our wings in the right
direction we could make it a better world. Who disagrees with this? None. We are all good
and sensible human
beings and want the whole wide world to be a peaceful place
to live in. The truth however is different - although in principle we all agree we want to
be good and do good, researchers have found that human species is sadistic by
nature. Researchers conducted an experiment where the audience was given two choices:
(1) You and your neighbor enjoy S
AME LUXURIOUS benefits.
(2) You enjoy MEDIOCRE benefits and your neighbor gets NONE
Surprisingly almost 85% of the people chose the second option. Most
people don’t want to lead a “good” life – they want to lead a life “better”
than their neighbor, friend, cousin, uncle, boyfriend, sister, girlfriend even
if this “better” is worse than the “good”. And when they cannot make their
lives better – they flap their wings the other way to make other people’s life
worse.
ਹਉਮੈਬੰਧਨਬੰਧਿਭਵਾਵੈ॥(Egotism binds people in bondage, and causes them
to wander around lost)
ਕਾਮਕ੍ਰੋਧਮਾਇਆਮਦਮਤਸਰਏਖੇਲਤਸਭਿਜੂਐਹਾਰੇ॥(Kaama, Krodha, Maya, Mada and Matsara — these
have combined to plunder the world)
ਮੁਕ੍ਰੋਧੁਲੋਭੁਮੋਹੁਨਿਤਝਗਰਤੇਝਗਰਾਇਆ॥(Lust, anger, greed and emotional attachment bring
continual conflict and strife)
Gurbaani says that there are 5 vices of which we should get rid – Kaam(Lust),
Krodh(Anger), Lobh(Greed), Moh(Emotional Attachment), Ahankaar(Ego). If our
butterflies flap their wings devoid of these vices the tornadoes can be
prevented.
While my colleagues and me sat relishing the Daal makhani and Chicken
butter masala from “Chulah Chauki ka Dhaba” it was not just the food but the ambience
of the place too that we cherished. Apart from the cane sofas and “moodas”
(small round chairs with cushions but no backrest) the “Manji” (cot) on which
laid a wooden slab either side of which people can sit and eat, reminded us of
the good old days. It kicked off with Ritesh
saying “I am glad there was no watsapp , internet and videogames in my
childhood days – I have so many memories to relish.”
Sanket (in his typical Bihari
accent) : “ Arre bhai, when you get older then what we are living today will
also feel better than that day. Sadeeyao nahi,
Happinessva mei jeeyo”
Ritesh: “Just to come to
this restaurant we coordinated with all our colleagues for atleast 2 days on watsapp and email and here were times where all you had was the landline, friends were not supposed to call on that which means all the planning had to be done during school time and everyone kept their word. Smiling at me , you must have been the obedient kid in the school
and you were the kind of kids who were our enemies, my friends used to plan
bunking the school and after lunch sharp 2:00 pm we all had to gather near
Pandey Chacha’s shop. We had this girl and I can bet she must have been like
you, laughingly pointing at me, she
was the monitress of the class and would always complain about a bunch of us.
Our names were written for the whole year on the blackboard corner “
Sanket: “and I used to
secretly take money from my mom and have that pepsi in plastic packets. I was
so scared of dad I would never ask for money from him.”
Me: “I never bunked my
classes, smiling at Ritesh, but I feel
nostalgic about how I used to be so excited about the new text books and copies
and would sit all day long covering them with brown paper and choosing the name
labels was such a big project, I would buy 4-5 sheets of different stickers. “
Ritesh: “ Initially we used
to have just the simple brown paper and later there was one with plastic feel,
haina”
Me: “Yup yup, and the
typical singing of Goooooooodddddd Mooorrrnnniiiinnnngggg Maaammmmm”. Everyone on the table started laughing.
Shreya: “In my school we
used to have PT classes. That day we used to wear our Team dress – like red/gree/blue/yellow
team had different dresses. My shoes would never be clean so in the morning after
reaching school I would rub a whole lot of chalk on my PT shoes to make them
look white.”
Everyone supported her while they remembered their own days and ways.
Me: “I don’t know if we
still get it but in those days there was this toffee called “Boyes” – it used
to
come in orange and black flavor – that was famous for birthdays. And this
birthday girl like a queen would go around distributing toffees to classmates ,other
classes and teachers. She would have her best friend carry her bag of toffees for
her which was like such a privileged designation at that time and the best
friend would then get some extra toffees at the end”
Selva: “I used to carry that
Milton water bottle and sometimes I used bring Rasna in that bottle. That day
everyone used to be my best friend , laughs.”
Me: “Nowadays Saturdays and
Sundays I get so lazy but back then Sundays I used to wake up by 7 in the
morning – eat, bath and get ready in front of the TV because 9 o clock in the
morning it used be Chandrakaanta time. Then there was Mowgli and Potli Babaki “Geeto
ka , Kahaaniyon ka kisso ka chhaava”. OMG those days were so good. I don’t think
our kids generation will have all this to watch.. Apps for poems, Apps for
learning ABCD and what not.
Oh Yes and every Saturday evening the Doordarshan movie was such a big
hit. We would pull the curtains up and some of the people who used to work in
our house would stand at the window to watch the movie for sometime. And the
Chitrahaar – Can’t imagine there was just one song show in those days”
Ritesh: “and whenever there
was a romantic scene , mom would say “go get me a glass of water”. I would take
time to get up and slowly push my way when second time “Go, I am thirsty , get
me water”
Everyone bursted out laughing.
Vicky: “Although I like power
back but sometimes when it takes time for the power backup to start it reminds
me of those early days if the power went off , there used to be complete silence
for sometime and my elder brother would make these ghostly noises to scare me ,
I would start shouting and from the other room Daddy would point the torch
light in the direction of my room and would keep talking from the other room
saying “Mera Raja Beta, don’t worry Daddy is here”. Till mom would go to the
kitchen holding the wall to find her way and get a candle for both the rooms. And
when the power was back we used to hear children from neighbours shouting
YYYEEYYYY and in the fun I would beat up my brother.”
Bye Bye Road
Me: “Back then there was a
place called Mirick near Siliguri, probably still is– it had beautiful tea
gardens and used to be our favorite destination for a day trip. Mom Dad would
be discussing all the problems of the house and relatives sitting in the front
seat – Dad was very fond of music and would have the latest Hindi movie song
cassette playing, while me and brother would be at the back seat sitting other
way round looking at the road going away from us and shouting on top of the
voice “Bye bye road, bye bye road” I don’t know what fun that was. Time and
again mom would say, “Stop shouting, Papa
important gall kar rahe ne” and we would keep shut for a few seconds then
start with low volume and high and higher and again on full blast “bye bye road”. On the way back both of us used to be asleep on the back seat and would wake up
only when we reached home”
Sanket: “And we used to
watch movie in VCR. All neighbor kids would gather at our place to watch the
VCR movie.”
Reema: “When I was a kid we used to play chor police,
Vish –amrit which many kids used to say Lock-Key, Pittu which was my favourite,
Colourman colour man which colour do you want to choose (sings it to the old
days tune and laughs), Trump cards of WWF wrestlers, Name|place|animal|thing ,
chor|Sipahi|Raja|Mantri.”
Everyone started laughing and clapping in a gesture to show their
assent.
Neha: “Every summer holidays
we used to go to our Naani ji’s house. She used to stay in the suburbs – we used
to play in the water for whole day and in the evening all the children used to
sleep together on the terrace – there were no beds, just cots with handmade
mattresses – and we would keep counting the stars or keeping guessing the
design of the constellation while all elders would sit on the other side chit
chatting till late in the night.”
The discussion went on and on. I don’t know if technology is making us
happier, sometimes it feels thank god we have technology else I would have been
so miserable. But other times I feel old days were better – so what if it took
time to communicate and there was just landline – we were closer to our neighbors,
yes it took more time to travel anywhere- but it meant less travelling and more
local festivities, medicine field has become so advanced but we have become
more mentally ill – I think problems will always stay – that is nature’s law ,
that is a way of nature to keep a sanity check on human species, probably we
are getting deluded where we feel we are solving a problem unconsciously giving
rise to another one as a repercussion.
