The Jungle Traffic

Chetak and me

Chetak is very dear to me. For my sake he fought with the world – got few scars on his face and back. They will be there for life till a surgery is done. For now we are living with the scars – my parents, relatives and friends whoever meets Chetak mocks at them but I just laugh and let them be. 

Chetak is very patient – he doesn’t mind them a bit, them meaning the scars and the comments. Every day we go to office together and till date there has never been a day when Chetak has not accompanied me back home from office . He has accompanied me to the malls too without any complains and despite the fact that I have treated him badly sometimes, he is still the same. Chetak- my first car, white i-10, we have so many journeys traveled together. The most eventful being the jungle ride which we go through every day.

When I start 

Gaddi Jaandi Aa Chhalaanga Maardi.................

Fox

As soon as we step out of the house we see some black and yellow Lomdi (foxes)running around at full speed. They have no sense of direction and will put in their pointed face anywhere they find some place. They compete with 2 legged rats that

2 Legged Rat

run around at atomic speed. When Chetak and me try taking a left  suddenly a rat jumps on us from nowhere and before we gain balance from the rat attack , a fox barges in “beep….beeep.beeeeepppp” . Generally I tell Chetak to slow down and even stop sometimes because I don’t want to run in the rat-race, the fox will then show me his eyes as if trying to scare me and say “what the hell are you doing in my way”.

Snail

Some snails drag themselves on the side pathway – walking at their ownpace,stopping now and then to talk to their friends. Sometimes they have a tough time trying to go to the other side of the road.

Elephant

Sometimes I also see elephants in the jungle. They go at their own speed and they never give way to me. It doesn’t matter how much I honk they will ignore it and continue going their way. At some places I see herds of elephant also where 3-4 of them are competing with each other . Everyone prefers to stay at the back when they are competing because you never know which angry elephant might come and hit you.

Veggie Dinosaur

In this amazing jungle there are dinosaurs too. 

The vegetarian dinosaur - are very friendly. They carry oil and diesel with them and peacefully following all rules of traffic in the jungle. 

Non Veggie Dinosaur

Then you have the non-veg dinosaur of different sizes. They generally carry stones, furniture items, sand, wood with them. They come howling behind you and even if you have not done anything wrong they will not forgive you – they will eat you up.

Sometimes we meet big fat lazy cats – they are private cats , they go at their

Big Fat Cat - The SUVs

own speed on their private limited roads as if they own the roads and belong to the royal ancestors of the jungle. The rats and foxes don’t spare the royal crowd also. They try to find place in between the “Shaahi Sawari” but the size of the Sawari generally deters them from poking around. So they come back to Chetak and me and others like us where they can show their supremacy by honking and poking their nose.

Chetak ‘s height is not so good. And me being tall he looks even shorter so my friends and family told me that I should have chosen someone tall and sturdy – so that it looks good when he walks with me. But there are many advantages of having Chetak – Being short and small he cuts across many places very easily , doesn’t have to go back and forth when making a U turn. While I was taking a U turn with Chetak, it doesn’t matter how many indicators (warnings) I give to other animals to stay away, a fox from the left will overtake me and a rat will appear on the right side. On Honking they

"What are you doing ? No traffic sense"

show me eyes again. While I try to shoo them away vigorously moving my hand from inside and shouting at them which only I can hear because the windows are shut – it makes no difference to them and they continue to bully me. Sometimes couple of their friends take advantage of the situation and they also barge in from left and right overtaking me – sometimes Chetak gets angry and we also blindly accelerate to overtake the foxes and rats , other times we just sit back quietly and let them go. Once the jungle is clear we continue again at our peaceful pace. Had Chetak been taller and bigger – the foxes and rats would have stayed away.

Just when we try to speed up and get into the momentum – there comes a red light halt. Just like small children stand obediently in a prayer hall in their own queue – Chetak and me also find a comfortable place to stand in our lane. The elephants , dinosaurs, cheetahs also stand in the line just

Waiting at the traffic signal!!

like us. Then comes a non veg dinosaur from the back – at full speed with no intention to stop. He will keep only an inch gap between chetak and himself , and will push my side view mirror inside. He keeps roaring all the time while he is standing and impatiently waits to run again. The ubiquitous foxes and rats will fit themselves in everywhere they can, making sure no space is left. When I first halted I was the one in the front but after few seconds a non-veg dinosaur , 2 foxes and 5 rats are standing in front of me. As the light grows green, animals behind us start roaring and shouting like crazy. I think this is a Jungle Custom – even though they can see that the animals in the front are moving forward they keep roaring and shouting till they themselves start moving.

Cheetah.....Roooooaaaaarrrr !!

 Just when I think I am ready to pace up – a cheetah steers from behind and zoop it goes past me – giving me jitters . The cheetah wants to maintain his status of being the fastest so many times they don’t even halt at the red light.

Saving ourselves from the jungle atrocities chetak and me finally reach the mall. The parking lot is comfortable, While I shop Chetak sits in the parking lot chatting with his other friends and some fat , lazy cats – while I enjoy myself in the mall.

At then End

Jungle Traffic Ne Chhalni Karta Mera Seena
Marjaaneya, Ajj Mera Jee Karda
Main Rajj Ke RAULA Pauna, Ajj Mera Jee Karda

My Mother's New Rule Book for New Generation.....

Last week I missed writing because I had gone to visit my parents and was so busy meeting them and other relatives. And the usual question came up umpteen times

"Puttar , bya kado karna”. I gave varieties of answers starting from

Just smiling
Put it on the invisible supreme power – “Jado Rabb di Mehr Auntyji”
Put it back on them – “Tusi Munda labho, main tyaar aan”
Put it back on me – “Man bya karauna hi nai, Main single hi rena whole life vich”

Pammi Bhua

After everyone would leave , Late till night mom , pammi bhua and me would sit gossiping about Jeeti chachi,  Canada wale maamiji, Amreeka wale Taayaji, neighbor wali Parminder Chachi, Diljit Dosanjh,  Salmaan Khan, Katrina – Oh Yes Bollywood gossip is as important as relatives gossip – None is spared from our X-ray Machine.  I so much love this time – especially these late night useless discussions with pillows on the lap and every hour Khokha (our house help) would come and ask “Bibiji, cha hor leke aun” , time and again Dad and Fufadji pitching in to tell the ladies that they were overdoing with the way they described the fiaso of Ricky’s (Amreeka wale tayaji’s son) wedding, a short break with Pammi Bhua, who is an amazing singer, singing to Prakash Kaur’s

“Bajre da sitta, ni main talli te marodeya…..” and Fufadji making fun of her …….Kinna Maja aunda.

It was during these discussions one night when Pammi bhua said to Mom “Bhabiji, I am telling you , we have made a big mistake by teaching our children the right thing to do. That is why they suffer so much. I have decided some golden rule for my Pota-Poti and will make sure they become Awara no. 1, only then they can survive in this ruthless world warna koi nai puchhda”

Mom: “Pammi , what you said is crore di gall. Look at us, what did we gain by making our children cultured and well educated. If they were Awara by now they would have been married, may be twice – and I would be sitting here with my grandchildren. Waheguru knows when I will see their face. (Hitting me) Maran to pellan mainu dikhadi….”

My Mom's answer for everything I say

Me: Mom . what can I do ? Initially you had put 101 restrictions on me. Ethe nai jaana, othe nahi dekhna, ye nai karna wo nai karna. Now you say – find a partner yourself. Sorry but all good guys are taken and booked for life – and this happened when you were forcing me to study Probability chapter in Maths which I hated so much.

Mom: Pammi , I am telling you – I am going to write a rule book for the next generation so that they don’t do the same mistake that we have done.

Rule 1: Give them bad environment to grow up, bare minimum things to play and study. (Hitting me) For her we put “Jhoolah” and ede papa de truck vich mitti leke aaye , in corner of the garden she played with friends in Mitti making small houses of wet mud because I  thought children will play and this will help in physical and mental growth. I failed Pammi I totally failed. Aaha dekhla (hitting me again) what became of her.  Koi lod nai ehe sab karn di.

Rule 2: Never give them nutritious food . Only give them junk food. (Pointing at me again) Aha dekhla Kothe jinni lambi karti kudi  – ki faida hoya. Last month enna vadiya rishta aaya si – amreeka wale Tayaaji had sent, but the guy was short te Bewakoof Kudi (pointing at me yet again) ne mana karta. So don’t give good food – let them be short and thin. When they get something better they will feel good about it.

Rule 3: No need of good or branded schools. Only sarkaari schools vich bache padao. First you give them branded education then they don’t like anything non branded. So give them simple education – no need of Hi-Fi degrees. Look at Happy – He is doing so well in Canada driving Taxi. Does he have degree? No. Does he have beautiful wife? Yes. Does he have kids? Yes. And look at her (pointing at me again) – Happy is 2 years younger to her and ehe hale baithi aa.

Rule 4: No need to participate in extra-curricular activities at all. They are dimag – kharab activities. Debate and elocution vich bolke these kids think they are so good. Swa good.

Rule 5: If they get good marks – give them one tight slap. Tell them they should get only 3/10 – and not more. Don’t encourage them for higher studies . Lock them in bathroom next time if they still get good marks or think of becoming Doctor, Engineer.

Rule 6: If you call them and they reply “HANJI” another slap on their face. What is Hanji? Say AAHO. Because those who speak like this are very much in demand pammi – I am telling you. And aha Bewakoof (hitting me) says “Mom, He has no manners” Manners gayee tel lehn.

Rule 7: Don’t preach them anything “Khandaani”. Tell them to have as many girl friends they want and as many boy friends they want. Ki Khatt leya main khandaani akal deke? Pammi – did Jeeti tell you ….Her daughter got engaged?

Pammi bhua's Common Reaction

Pammi: Achhaaaaaa. Nai Bhabiji. When did that happen? Jeeti never tells me anything.

Mom: Happen taan 5 years pelan ho gaya si. For four years she had a boy friend. Now she got engaged to another NRI who is a GC holder and left the previous borfriend because he didn’t get GC. And ek Meri Bewakoof (pointing yet again at me) – 10 waari Amreeka jaake vi ek BF nai banaya.

Rule 8: Study less and do more of Facebook. No need to see these rotten channels like cnbc, discovery or reading knowledgeable books etc. Only spend time on Facebook, Instagran and waheguru knows hor kede kede websites ne – post as many photos and send faltu friend requests to everyone.

Rule 9: Work Less – Flirt More, Promotion di nahi koi lod. What is the point in working so hard , have dark circles under eyes and get a promotion after sleepless nights. The area where promotion is required (Shaadi) othe admission hi nahi mili.

Rule 10: 

Me: Mom ,Pammi bhua – I am sure there are many parents like you and many youngsters like me who are going through this but it is waheguru ji’s hukam under which we all reside and find our happiness. So Rule no. 10 is be happy with what you receive as Gurbani says:

“ਹੁਕਮੈ ਅੰਦਰਿ ਸਭੁ ਕੋ ਬਾਹਰਿ ਹੁਕਮ ਨ ਕੋਇ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਹੁਕਮੈ ਜੇ ਬੁਝੈ ਤ ਹਉਮੈ ਕਹੈ ਨ ਕੋਇ ॥”

Hukamai andar sabhu ko baahar hukam na koi. Nanak hukamai je bujhai ta houmai kehai na koi

 which means Everyone is subject to Hukam; no one is beyond (exempt or outside of) Hukam. O Nanak! One who understands Hukam, does not speak in ego (i.e., that person does not live in Haumai or ego).

Pammi Bhua come let's do some Gidhha , you remember that boli 

" Nacha Nacha Nacha , Ni main agg wangu Macha,

Meri Nachdi di Jhanjhar Chhanke ni

Main taan Nachna Patola Banke ni"

Parenthood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch !!

Once upon a time there was a guy named Happy ………….

Baapu Baapu Kenda Si, Baut Sukhi Renda Si

Happy de Mummy Papa kende:

MBA: Happy Puttar !! Come study , All the time playing football , gilli danda and running with friends. Ki karda firda tu……you have to become big man , study and get into big job with big degree. Do MBA and get good job. Eat Makhan and become healthy and intelligent and study puttar. Come do maths homework

MARRIAGE: Aa si Mera Happy Puttar !! Kinna sona munda, Kinna pyaara bacha …….Le putt have makhan , have parantha ….eat well …..Mera Happy Puttar will grow up and become very tall and very handsome and we will find her very beautiful girl ……haina puttar…..aa le eat more makhan.

Happy De Mummy Papa kende:

MBA: Happpyyyyyyy !!! Maths vich 6/10 ???????? why?? Your brain went for Gedi when you were writing paper. Now study hard….you have to get 10/10. You have to be topper in board , then engineering then MBA…....your pyo (father) will not write your paper…..start studying. Take this…..eat Badaam.

MARRIAGE: Happpyyyyyyy !!! Kinna sukka patla ho gaya mera munda. Who will marry you puttar? Kise ne apni kudi nai deni. Take this badaam……eat properly………now eat roti….now take juice……Haaan Shabaash eat puttar – then my puttar will look so handsome and will get married to beautiful kudi.

Happy de Mummy Papa Kende:

MBA: Haaaapppyyyyy !!! Very good Puttar , now you have done Engineering – now in two years you do MBA , see Pammi Bhua’s son also did MBA, now he is in USA and in another two years he will get Green card also…..now stop taking selfie and focus on MBA

MARRIAGE: Haaaapppyyyyy !!! Mera Putt , Mera Laal……you know Channi chachi’s son got married, Pal Tayaji’s son got engaged, Raani Aunty’s son had a daughter last month…….Now puttar you should also think about marriage …ok. Don’t do toon-taan. Chup chap get married . If we start searching now, we will find in 2 years.

Happy de seniors kende:

MBA: Yaar Happy ….there is nothing in MBA, don’t waste your time……in that money you can start something of your own …MBA will make you more calculative, stressful life and boring job. Atleast now you code and you know there is an output – after MBA you will never understand what you are doing and what is the output. Frustu ban jaana tu – don’t do MBA

MARRIAGE: Yaar Happy ….Musibat le li main Bya karake – don’t  get married – single life is best …..no restriction , no tension, no question and no answer. Meri gall sun…..Never get married.

Happy Kenda:

Wah Wah……Khud karli MBA , now earning good money and telling me don’t do. It is very easy to give gyaan, yourself sitting in USA, updating facebook photo of snow, river and mountain and now telling me happy dont do MBA.....Happy is not mad.....ok.....Happy is not so mad.....ok.

Wah Wah……Khud kar leya bya, now giving me gyaan. Whom am I earning money for? Nowhere to spend, no one to see movie with. I go kalle kalle Thailand – no one to play in water…...all photo are selfie.....I am tired of selfie ok - I want nice photo with wife in snow and mountain.

And then Happy Puttar did what he had to do................................

"La La La

Ho Ho Ho

Balle Balle

Shava Shava Sonia 

Oye Hoye Oye Hoye

Burrrraaaahhhh"

After 2 years :

Baapu Kehlaya, Baut Dukh Paaya

Happy apne puttar Ricky nu Kenda:

MBA: Ricky Puttar !! Come study , All the time playing football , gilli danda and running with friends. Ki karda firda tu……you have to become big man , study and get into big job with big degree. Do MBA and get good job. Eat Makhan and become healthy and intelligent and study puttar. Come do maths homework

MARRIAGE: Aa si Mera Ricky Puttar !! Kinna sona munda, Kinna pyaara bacha …….Le putt have makhan , have parantha ….eat well …..Mera Happy Puttar will grow up and become very tall and very handsome and we will find her very beautiful girl ……haina puttar…..aa le eat more makhan.

Happy apne juniors nu kenda:

MBA: There is nothing in MBA, don’t waste your time……MBA will give stressful life and boring job. Atleast now you code and you know there is an output – after MBA you will never understand what you are doing and what is the output. Frustu ban jaana tu – don’t do MBA

MARRIAGE: Musibat le li main Bya karake – don’t  get married – single life is best …..no restriction , no tension, no question and no answer. Meri gall sun…..Never get married.