Daughter - A Gift of Love

Today I met Venkat Uncle in the lift carrying Jholas of veggies and fruits, his wife who is his perennial partner for veggie shopping was missing. I asked him “Where is Aunty , Venkat Uncle?”.

“Aunty not well, sleeping, full fever, full cold, all night coughing. I wash house, kitchen, clothes, now I make curry. Without Aunty very difficult life for me.” As he stepped out of the lift managing his jholas I told him not to hesitate if he needed any help.

It reminded me of the days when Mummy would come to visit me and brother, Papa used to have a very tough time – it was not just kitchen but everything starting from morning tea , maids, clothes, calls from relatives, calls from children, taking care of Bibi, making sure the bedsheets are changed, paying everyone’s salary on time and what not revolves around Mummy. All this apart from the intangible emotional involvement she has in our lives. Such an important role a woman has to play and still in many places the society fails to give them the respect they should get and many times get rid of them even before they are born.

Dil bharda……..

kukh vich na maar maaye, tenu dekhan da jee karda

Chidi boldi………….

Godi vich chak baabla, main naa teri pagg roldi

Vajdi Ghadoli…….

Soni pagg ban veera, ajj tor tu meri doli

Khanke kangna…..

Booha khol, Main tere ghar aayee saajna

I cannot thank Waheguru ji enough that I was born to such loving parents, who brought me up like their son. There was no such privilege which I was kept away from. Infact compared to my brother, I have always had a bigger share of everything. I had more clothes in my wardrobe, my education was more expensive than my brother’s, a bowl of Matar Paneer is always kept separately for me coz that is my favorite and I won’t share it with anyone, Papa gifted me a car before my brother got one and so much more that couple of pages are too few to mention - I am everyone’s Laadli in the family.

Till now I thought girls of my generation and similar families would not have any different life than mine. But I realized I was wrong when I met Jeeti, my loving friend from school days and more surprisingly to see that a woman was responsible for her own demise.

 Jeeti, the only child of her parents, got married, as the tradition holds, into another Business-wali family. Gurmeet, her husband is very educated and DEGREEfied – well known Doctor. A posh house in Sector 21 Chandigarh and three hospitals doing extremely well, very reputed family in the Punjabi Circle - what else would you want? A son. Nope not just a healthy child, but a son.

Jeeti, morosely narrated how she was under so much stress from her in-laws who wanted to have a grandson. After she relieved her mind’s agony, she said “Neet, I am going to send this letter to my mother in law, hope she will get some sense of what she is doing after reading this.” The letter read: 

"

Dear Mummyji,

I tried pleading, explained you how it was ok that I am also a girl and the only child to my parents, and that you were born a woman too – but nothing seems to budge your desire for a grandson.  

I am happy, at-least Gurmeet, is supporting me and his support is my strength. I think his righteous nature comes from Daddy ji – the Y chromosome is playing well. I am wondering what traits he would have picked up from your X chromosome in his XY combination.

And think a little more – If I have a son, he would have my X and Gurmeet’s Y , your grandson would not have anything from you.  Your legacy ends at Gurmeet.

Only If I have a girl – Gurmeet’s X would carry your legacy.

This also means you should have prayed for a daughter, who would have probably passed your inheritance. Since you missed that chance at-least now pray for a grand-daughter so that something of you is passed forward.

Jeeti.

“

After I heard her, for a couple of seconds I was awkwardly stupefied. I just realized – Oh yes – the grandson doesn’t carry the X from father’s side. Barring the details of how chromosomes work -

Tell me Bebeji – why do you want Pota only? Even if it is a girl it is fine !

At this moment to my mind comes the picture of a young girl “Her name was Neerja Bhanot and she died a hero”.  There is no dearth of Neerjas, Kalpana Chawlas, PT Ushas, Kiran Bedis, Chhavi Rajawats  and so many such names of women who have made their family and country proud then why should the society shy of having girl child.

Gurbani says:

“ਸੋ ਕਿਉ ਮੰਦਾ ਆਖੀਐ ਜਿਤੁ ਜੰਮਹਿ ਰਾਜਾਨ ॥“(why call her bad? From her, kings are born.)

“ਭੰਡਹੁ ਹੀ ਭੰਡੁ ਊਪਜੈ ਭੰਡੈ ਬਾਝੁ ਨ ਕੋਇ ॥“(From woman, woman is born; without woman, there would be no one at all)

Mera Punjab !!!

Rangala Punjab, Mera Rangala Punjab

Jithe Soni Mutiyaaraan Da Roop Lajawab

Uche,Lambe Gabru Di Sardaari Nawab

Pakke Makki Di Roti Te Saro Da Saag

Jithe Sajda Gidhha Te Bhangre Da Ruwaab

Rangla Punjab Mera Rangla Punjab

Nowadays my mom is in Punjab , today when I was talking to my Mom in the morning (the usual status update call to family) I could hear on the phone , from the other side , the peacocks coo.

I have been many times to my pind (village) when I was younger - it used to be a royal feeling . What I thought was someone else’s house was actually a part of our house where Majj (buffaloes) were kept – they were milked early morning  and Bibi (Grandmother) would churn  makhan (butter) out of it with the traditional Madaani. After finishing all household chores women would gather in our Vehda (open garden in front of the house) talking about their husbands and brothers who by then would have left to the Khet (farms). This is where Bhangra was born when tall and handsome Gabru celebrated the harvest of their hard work , this is where Gidhha was born when Bibiyaan of the house would gather flaunting and taunting  specially during season of monsoon- “Teej Diyaan Teeya”.

Narrow lanes where door of every house  opened  into the lane , so many winters, when, in one house Saag and Roti was cooked while all children played Stapu and Gilli danda, the men talked about Badal Sarkaar and women waited for the harvest to buy their new set of Patiala suit and Jutti.

 The Pendu and the Patola made beautiful couples, the marriages where Bandook had to be fired, the Vehda where Bibi and Baapuji sat in the morning having tea after their routine Paath , the tractors parked in one side of the Kothi starting early morning to the Khet helping the men sow seeds of Saro (mustard) and Kanak (wheat) in our 40 kille zameen.  Waheguru ji– such royalty you had bestowed on Punjab.

Ajj Suna Hai Punjab , Mera Sunna Hai Punjab

Gabru Chad Gaye Canada De Jahaaj

Rang Birangi Fulkaariyaan Da Reha Ni Rewaaz

Na Gidhhe Di Rounak , Na Bhangre Di Awaaz

Sunniyaan Ne Kothiyaa, Bandeyaa Di Ghaat

Na Bibi Diyaan Loriyaan Na Bapuji Di Daat

Jeb Vich Chitta Te Duldi Sharaab

Sunna Hai Punjab Mera Sunna Hai Punjab

The pind has become empty, Sardaars have left for Canada  in the hope of making more money and having a better life style. The pind is full of huge Kothis but no one stays there to live the royalty – what is left behind is bricks and some “Bhaiyye” (caretakers) to take care of the Kothi. Bhangra and Gidhha have now become limited to College Competition , Mr. Punjab and Miss Punjaban shows.

My parents suggested I invest some money in real estate in Punjab – when I logged into 99acres and magicbricks I saw ads of agricultural land held up for sale and making them more lucrative were terms like “Agricultural/Farm Land for Sale in Ludhiana Jalandhar National Highway - The property is situated near nh 1, ( Ludhiana to jalandhar road), It is fit for commercial, Residential, Farm houses, two factories near it are already running. A no. Of new kothies, Banglows etc. have been constructed in the surrounding area.”  There are no more early mornings with Chamkeela on full volume, not many Jatts are seen going to their Khet , not many Mutiyaars are seen walking to the Khet with food for their men. Farming land is being sold off for commercial purposes - the green velvet that once covered the land of five rivers is today covered with “Chitta”.( http://www.tribuneindia.com/2014/20140603/main6.htm) If our farmers keep getting exported to Canada and Amreeka the day is not far when we will have to import wheat from Canada. Dabbing some thanks to our Punjabi singers who have made us relive the old Punjab at least emotionally and gave back life to those lost narrow lanes, Boliyaan, Chaadre and Kurte.

I am very poor with Finance and Economics so I don’t know how the ecosystem works, I know there are problems – government is not supportive, it is a risky business etc etc. but this is the situation – everyone wants a Bhagat Singh to be born to fight on behalf of us, but no mother wants his son to be the Bhagat Singh. He should be born to neighbors and we just want to enjoy the benefits. I fall in the same bracket unfortunately, I chose a techie life because what I am doing now is called progressive. We have so many software professionals passing out each day but hardly any agriculture engineers, we have so many food startups – making and delivering food, which is good, but very less innovation on growing food. I am not sure how this can be rectified – so I type here, complain, feel nostalgic and pray:

ਸਿੱਖਾਂ ਦਾ ਮਨ ਨੀਵਾਂ, ਮਤ ਉੱਚੀ ਮਤ ਦਾ ਰਾਖਾ ਆਪਿ ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ। (May the minds of all the Sikhs remain humble and their wisdom exalted; O God! You are the protector of wisdom.)

ਨਾਨਕ ਨਾਮ ਚੜ੍ਹਦੀ ਕਲਾ, ਤੇਰੇ ਭਾਣੇ ਸਰਬੱਤ ਦਾ ਭਲਾ। (O God! through the True Guru Nanak, may Your Name be exalted, and may all prosper according to your will.)

Finding The Guy - The Khandaan Effect !!!

Simmi and me are at that juncture of life where many are talking about, asking us, taunting us, some taking pity on us , some feeling jealous of us, some happy for us, suggesting us or bitching about us still being single !!

"Enni Der, now she won't find anyone"  

"I think she has a secret affair, how can she stay single for so long"           

"She wasted her time studying and making career - this was bound to happen"

"She had so many nakhre, aa nai chahida, o nai chahida, hun baithee aa"

"One has to compromise, you don't get everything in one guy"

"Girls should get married before 25 then they learn to adjust in another family"

"At this age Meri Jasleen had 2 kids, when will she marry and when will she have kids......Huh !! "

"Hale tak not married ??  Bechaaarrriiii  "

While Simmi and me were standing outside the Gurudwara shops checking out the new jutti stall , she was telling me how upset her neighbour aunt was because Simmi said NO to neighbour aunty's sister-in-law's son's proposal. 

Neet: Hehe, Good you said no. I have seen that guy, he doesn't look good with you. You are so pretty - Uncha Lamba Jatt chahida tere naal.

Simmi: Neet, Apniyaan families vich you know how decisions are taken - unanimously - mera Jatt gets rejected by chachaji, taayaji, Mamaji and brothers. He doesn't even reach me (giggles). 

See this is how it goes:

 

 Daddyji (Bishan Singh) says "The boy's family should be have a reputed transport company. What will I say in my friend's circle at Gurudwara. Pind vich ki moo dikhaunga" 

Beji (Raaji) says "Munde di daadi should wear full sleeves suit , lace wali chunni , golden frame de chashmei - these are nishaani of good khaandaan " 

Bibi (Sant) is a Bollywood fan and is very fond of all punjabi munde in bollywood. She says to Bade Papaji (Nihal Singh) "Saadi Simmi is no less than any filmi kudi. We should talk to Kapoors - Shaaed (Shahid) , Ranveer and Arjun are my favourite but Shaaed is short naale suneya osne bya kara leya. We should talk to Ranveer's family. Kade ni mana karde - I am telling you Sardaarji"

 Dr. Sandhu and Reet Chachi are doctors in Ludhiana and they say "MBBS nu koi nahi puchhda, Munda should be DM or surgeon"

Bir Chacha owns couple gas stations in Canada, he says "Kudiye, we are searching for a solid taxiwali yaan hotelwali family".

Jinder chachi says "Simmi da husband should be atleast 6 feet, rajda khanda jatt hove so that he looks good when he stands next to her brothers"

Pammi Bhua and Ravi Fufadji are very religious and say "Peen -khaan wala munda na hove, boy should be simple - who takes waheguru's name just like our Happy"

 Dr. Sidhu and Nimmi Maamiji - veterinary doctor, has treated celebrity's dogs says "Munde kol Labrador is a must. Je Munda houga shaukeen taan rakhun dogs di team. But no dogs?? Meri wallo complete NO. "

Manju Maasi and Raj Maasad ji who is IAS officer says "Munda should be from officer class, Bayee ji Laal Batti has a different style statement, wakhri taur"

 

Aman Chachaji is into property dealing, he says to my dad "Bayee ji, Kamaal karde o , here Jatts are cutting colonies and living lavish life then why should we send our Simmi to Canada and Amreeka."

Preet Chachi says "Simmi, Mera favourite colour pink aa, and we will do pink theme wedding".

Sarab Maamaji and Jassi Maami are settled in New York, own a truck company, they say "We have TRALLEY so munda for Simmi should have atleast HUMMER or LAMBORGHINI.”

 My Brothers say "He should have a BULLET motorcycle, He should know Bhangra - putt jattan de bulaunde bakre koi aake mai da lal takre , thoda bahut peg-sheg wala hove, pagg only patiala shahi otherwise na hove etc etc etc ......."

My Parents say "We are tired of searching, find one on your own and get married"

So many people are trying to find a guy for me but hale tak koi gall nahi bani. relatives.com, shaadi.com, jeevansaathi.com, punjabimatrimony.com, neighbouraunty.com, kittyparties.com, papa_da_businesscircle.com all of these have failed. Hun mainu lagda I have to put up a profile and forward my application to babaji.com.

ਜੋ ਮਾਗਹਿ ਠਾਕੁਰ ਅਪੁਨੇ ਤੇ ਸੋਈ ਸੋਈ ਦੇਵੈ ॥ (The Lord gives whatever is asked from Him)

ਨਾਨਕ  ਦਾਸੁ ਮੁਖ ਤੇ ਜੋ ਬੋਲੈ ਈਹਾ ਊਹਾ ਸਚੁ ਹੋਵੈ ॥੨॥੧੪॥੪੫॥ (Whatever Nanak, the servant, speaks from his mouth becomes true here and hereafter)

Neet: (Laughing) "You are lucky, you have so many people who care for you. But what about you? What kind of a guy do you want?"

Simmi: (laughing) "I have CRAZY DEMANDS"